Season of Thanks, Day Four

I don't like to wait.

On anything.

At ALL!!!

I never have!

Today I would probably be tagged ADHD.

Back in the day,

I was told to be still and settle down if I didn't want a walloping.

Sometimes I didn't want a walloping.

Sometimes I just couldn't be still.

As an adult, I pace.

Or clean.

Or craft.

Or find something to "do".

But I don't very often sit still.

I'm not just "busy" physically.

I am emotionally impatient.

Once I've made a decision, I want to do it.

NOW!!

When I decided I was ready to have a baby,

I got pregnant.

Immediately.

Nine months seemed like an eternity!

Because I was ready for a baby.

NOW!!

If Al and I talked about something,

he was very often thinking out loud.

I was making a decision to move forward.

It made for some lively discussions from time to time.

 Having a baby comes to mind again.

 

I tend to be impulsive.

Sometimes it has worked out well.

Sometimes it has cost me dearly.

Over the years, as I have matured,

I have learned to be calmer,

more patient,

less impulsive.

(To those of you who know me, I know...)

Over the last couple years though,

I have regressed.

A lot.

So when God told me to "be still and wait" a few months ago...

...I was pretty sure He must be toying with me.

But He wasn't.

My life was in turmoil.

My heart was not broken, it was crushed.

Being still was torture.

Because there was no distraction from the pain.

I couldn't imagine why in the world 

God would expect stillness of me.

He knows me, after all!

Knows stillness,

waiting,

is hard for me in the best of circumstances.

But in the worst???

Well, as I said,

 torture.

But, with only a couple exceptions -

emotionally expensive exceptions -

I have done it.

I have been still.

I have waited.

I have listened to God more.

Talked to Him less.

And over the last dozen or so weeks,

I have done it pretty well.

And guess what?

I am calmer.

I am learning some very, very valuable things.

Because I am not too busy to hear God speak.

Today, I am grateful for stillness and waiting.

And the wisdom of God to know what is best for me.

You called me by name and tell me I have found favor with You.

Please, if this is really so,

show me Your intentions so I will understand You more fully

and do exactly what You want me to do...

And the Lord replied,

"I will personally go with you, [Gina],

I will give you rest -

Everything will be fine for you."

Then [Gina] said,

"If You don't go with [me] personally,

don't let [me] move a step from this place."

                                                                           ~~ Exodus 33:12-15 NLT ~~

Amen and amen!