God gives each of us instincts. Usually they're pretty accurate. Not always, sometimes we chase down a morsel of cat food only to discover it's really a poisonous bug and not at all what we wanted, but mostly, our instincts are pretty reliable. God meant them to be.
I have really been struggling the last couple years. From my dear husband's diagnosis, through his death, the grief and anguish, the burgeoning desire to love again, falling in love, getting a broken heart, starting the dating process over, several unsuccessful attempts at new jobs - oy vay, as a friend says! Lots of stress! And I have been in a tizzy for sure, frantically pouncing and searching and trying to discern tasty morsels from poisonous bugs. I have been so busy seeking God's will for me, trying to heal the hurt of the last few years, trying to move forward, live, that I have been unable to hear His voice! Finally, he caught my attention. "Be still and wait!" He said. So, for the last several weeks, I have been doing that. Changing nothing. Not starting anything new. Not stopping anything old. Changing nothing. Except for being still. Waiting. And slowly, I've begun to hear His voice. And it's wonderful!
He has spoken to me through Scripture. He has spoken to me in dreams. He has cleared my confusion. He has honed my instincts. I have begun to make some changes. And today, I realized that I am truly at peace! For the first time in a long while, I am at peace! And it feels so good!!!
Life is quite the journey! And never more so than in trying circumstances! I never thought I would be in this position, trying to make it on my own. And that's because I shouldn't be! Oh, I'm not talking about having Al here to help me. Or Harlan. Or any other man. I'm talking about God! I am never alone, for my Heavenly Father is here, waiting for me to call out to Him, waiting for me to reach for His hand!
The pastor yesterday spoke about Peter's adventure in the midst of the Sea of Galilee. You know the one. Where in absolute trust and faith, he stepped out of the boat into the crashing waves and walked on water to his Saviour. Then he felt the wind. Looked around him at the waves taller than he. And he realized that he couldn't walk on water! And he began to sink. He cried out to Jesus "Save me, Lord!". And then he did it. He didn't scream out an empty plea. He reached for The Saviour! And The Saviour took his hand, raised him up, and they turned and walked on water, through the wind and surf, back to the boat. Then, and only then, did Jesus calm the sea.
I am walking with Jesus, on water, in the storm tossed sea. He has my hand, I will not sink! We will arrive at the boat in His time. Until then, the waves cannot drown me, the winds cannot blow me over. I am safe in The Saviour's hand!
"But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me." Psalm 131:2 NLT