Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Today...

It seems like yesterday.
It seems like forever ago.
Sometimes it seems like it was not really my life,
but someone else's that I read about.
But it was real.
And it was ten years ago today.
A whole decade since we heard those words,
"Mr. Garrett, you do have cancer."

He was so matter-of-fact, emotionless.
He was simply doing his job as the ER physician on duty.
He explained what would happen in the next few hours,
then went on to his next patient.
I feel rather certain he never thought of us again,
at least not more than in passing.

But our lives, my life, was profoundly changed in that instant.

I look back over the last decade
and think of how different it has been 
than it would have been without those words.
An instant.
Just an instant.
Six little words delivered in a second or less.
That instant ten years ago still affects my today,
my children's today,
the today of people who
did not even know me in that instant,
never knew him.

We live in hope,
hope in Christ,
a "promise" hope
not a "wish" hope,
but an assurance of His future, prepared for us.
On that day ten years ago,
we didn't know the extent of his cancer
and for a few days,
we lived in that wish kind of hope. 
We quickly moved into the Promise Hope;
today, I still live there.
 
I have been privileged to see a glimpse of that Promise in this past decade.
I have seen a glimpse of it in watching dear, precious loved ones
cross that divide.
I have seen a glimpse of it in His restoration of my desire to live.
He is real!
Heaven is real!
Redemption is real!
Life does go on!
There is healing over there,
and there is healing here!
 
But while we are yet here,
in our humaness,
we grieve our earthly loss.
Ten years ago today, I felt it.
Eight months, three days later, I felt it.
Today, ten years later, I feel it.
 
Today, I think of a decade from now.
What will the upcoming decade hold?
How many more times will the sorrow of grief touch me? 
How many more joys will I experience?
How many more glimpses of the Promise of Hope will I see?
 
Today, as my heart remembers,
today as the pain of that moment is felt deep within my soul,
today as I think of the amazing man
who moved to his final home eight months, three days later,
today as I think of the life I live now
and wonder about the life I might have lived if...
...today, I think of the pain in Uvalde, Texas.
I think of the husbands,
the sons and daughters,
the mommies and daddies,
the brothers and sisters,
the grandparents, cousins, friends,...
my heart breaks for them
and for us as a nation.
 
Today, for all those mourn,
there is overwhelming grief.
Crushing anguish.
Anger.
It is fresh, acute.

Today, they look to a future that is empty of someone precious.
There will not be one "anniversary",
there will be thousands.
The rest of their lives will be filled with events where there is an empty chair.
Moving forward will be slow and painful.
Taking the next breath will be painful...
 
For our nation, we will move forward much more quickly,
we already have begun to move from shocked outrage 
into political opportunity.
But we will remember.
Every year our Facebook memories
will bring up the "Pray for Uvalde" profile picture change
and our heads will shake at the senseless violence,
the putrid loss of life,
our hearts will squeeze as we remember the shock and outrage,
we will lift those left behind once again in prayer.
 
Let us all, as I do on this tenth anniversary of "D-day",
let us all remember,
our Hope is not in legislation,
it is not in a utopian society,
it is not in filling an empty chair on a dark day of remembrance -
for it cannot be filled this side of eternity -
let us remember,
our Hope is in Jesus Christ.
And it is a sure Hope,
a Promise!

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. 
 But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
                                        ~~ John 16:33 ~~
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, 
and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. 
All these things are gone forever.
                                                ~~ Revelation 21:4 NLT~~

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Because I said so!

Did you ever say that to your kids?
I did!
But not as often as my mom said it to me!

Back in the day:

Me: Why???

My mom: Because I said so.

Me: But WHY!?!?!

My Mom: Because I said so and don't use that tone of voice with me!!!
 
Me with my kids:

My Kids: Why???
 
Me: Because...explanation given.
 
My Kids: But that's not fair!!!
 
Me: Tries to explain in a different way.
 
My Kids: That's stupid! Everyone else gets to...whatever...why can't I???
 
Me: Because I'm not everyone else's mother and I said no!
 
My Kids: WHY!?!?!
 
Me: Because I said so and this conversation is over!

My mom was right.
And honestly, sometimes she gave an explanation up front,
but if she didn't and I asked...
And even if she did,
I usually disagreed!
And if I disagreed,
it usually was at the expense of other things I wanted to do and lost the privilege 
for using my mouth in a way it shouldn't have been used!
 
Both methods, hers and mine,
resulted in the same conclusion -
the kids didn't understand and went away unhappy!
Even with an explanation,
the kids did NOT understand
or accept it as reasonable!
 
Sometimes I'm still the kid!!!
I still want to know why!
 
My Lanny Love and I are currently facilitating another GriefShare 
and this past week we discussed "why?"
Never more than when bad things happen -
and the loss of someone we love feels really, really bad -
we want to know why.
Particularly, I think, when the loss is a spouse, child, or unexpected.

In GriefShare, we are reminded that 

God's ways are far above our ways. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
 
and asked, 
 
Where were you when I created the universe?
Tell me if you know so much! (Job 38:4).
 
We are further reminded that
even if God told us why,
we wouldn't understand or accept the explanation
because...
well, because we want our way and our way would be
for our loved one(s) to still be physically present in our lives.
 
GriefShare is right.
No explanation would have been sufficient
to explain my Al's illness and death.
I still would have wanted him here with me!
I still would have wanted to share my meals and my bed,
    my thoughts and feelings,
        my sorrows and joys,
            with him! 

This morning, in Sunday School, 
we were discussing Elijah the Prophet.
In I Kings 18, we read the story of the Baal worshippers
versus the God worshippers.
 
The prophets of Baal prayed and prayed
to the point of cutting themselves
trying to bring fire down from their gods
onto the altar build for them. 
 
 
 
 
When Elijah's turn came,
he had everything wet down!
They wet down the sacrifice,
they wet down the altar,
they dug a moat around it and filled it with water.
Everything was drenched!
Then he prayed,
and fire fell from heaven onto the altar
consuming the sacrifice,
the water,
even the rocks from which the altar was built!

It was a rousing success for God and for Elijah!!!
But the Queen, Jezebel, the main Baal worshipper,
she was ticked off!!!
And she swore to Elijah that he would pay with his life!
So he ran!
And when he finally dropped from exhaustion, hunger, and thirst,
he cried out to God, 
"WHY???? 
I did all you asked! 
And here I am, 
fleeing for my life!!! 
Just kill me now and be done with it!!!"
(I Kings 19:4b, Gina paraphrase)

Right here, our Sunday School teacher said a profound thing.
"And God said 'Because I said so!'"

And there it is!
The ultimate Parent,
The Father of fathers and mothers and children,
did not offer an explanation.
Because Elijah would still not have understood.
He would not have accepted it.
But through this, he learned something really important.
Sometimes we understand God's movements,
and sometimes we don't,
but always we can trust that He knows what He is doing,
that He has our best interest at heart!
 
And he lay down and slept under a broom tree.
And behold, an angel touched him and said to him,
"Arise and eat."
And he looked, and behold,
there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones
and a jar of water.
And he ate and drank and lay down again.
And the angel of the Lord came again a second time
and touched him and said,
"Arise and eat,
for the journey is too great for you."
And he arose and ate and drank,
and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights...
 
~~ I Kings 19:5-8 ESV
 
Because He said so...