I "wondered" in my last blog entry.
And the answer to my "wonder" I think is no!
I was reflecting on the realization that
the loss of my Al no longer causes me excrutiating pain
as it has for so many tears.
I love him, I miss him, I feel sad sometimes,
but that physical and emotional pain
that could take me to my knees in sobbing tears,
that anguish that could wipe me out for days at a time,
that hurt that dulled color and dimmed light,
that seems to be gone for the most part.
And I've continued to wonder that
over the last couple weeks.
I think the answer is no,
it would not likely be so.
I think I would still somewhat regularly
experience that debilitating pain
had my Lanny Love and I not found one another.
Recently, my Lanny Love and I watched a movie
where much of the plot was very similar to
his and his Judy's experience through cancer and death.
My heart hurt for him as we watched.
After the movie, we readied for bed,
and though the door is always open for conversation,
he didn't talk about it.
But he did seek comfort in music,
and in God's gift to him in me,
and in a few tears.
There was much tenderness that evening,
both given and received.
And he felt better.
I understood completely for
the roles have been reversed!
I thought about those types of moments
for some of my single, widowed friends
and our conversations about them.
I thought about those moments of my own
before and after my Lanny Love.
And the answer is no,
I would not likely be at this place of healing
were I still single.
I think the pain would still be acute
without our remarriage -
for both of us.
I think that incident,
and others like them,
would have had the ability to disable for a time.
Time itself does pass and
the bereaved learn to live again.
God is there to be the "husband".
But God does not physically hold us in His arms.
He does not verbally whisper words of love and comfort in our ears.
He does not fill the empty side of the bed with warmth and flesh.
You see, God created us for physically present relationship.
In the very beginning
He saw that man needed a mate:
“It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper who is right for him.”
Genesis 2:18 NCV
Before the fall,
He walked in the garden each evening with Adam
and still, He knew Adam needed a mate.
How much more so once His physical presence
could no longer walk in harmony with man!
Now I do realize that
God does not choose to bless everyone
with a "chapter two" spouse.
For some, being single is their calling
and they are content with God as their spouse;
for some, being single is their cross to bear.
I don't pretend to understand how or why
God chooses which way each person walks after widowhood.
I do understand this:
God does know!
He has chosen each path for each person
for their eternal benefit and His glory!
