Gifts

Sisters AND brothers,
I can't improve on this!

Thank You, Lord,
for the many gifts,
marvelous gifts,
You have given me!

"You Promised Me"

Trust - Part 3

I forget sometimes
how satan loves a challenge.
When we seek to serve God more fully,
satan's response is always the same:
"Challenge accepted!"
My and God's trust challenge
is no different!

As I begin this post,
it is not quite noon.
I have been up since just before 7am.
It has been an eventful morning.

I forgot to turn off the alarm 

before opening the back door to let the dog out.

The alarm pad is by the side door.

I was settling onto the sofa to await Mitzi's

"I'm finished and it's cold out here! Let me in!"

when the beeping broke through the fog 

that surrounds my brain in the mornings

and I realized what I had done.

I took off at a run for the other side of the dark house

and ran my shoulder smack into the door frame.

Ouch!!!

I reached the pad just in the nick of time and entered the code 

to stop it from shrieking to all my neighbors, 

the alarm company, 

and my Lanny Love in Colorado

that I had forgotten to turn it off before opening a door.

Shoulder hurting, 

but embarrassment avoided.

Well, until now....

A few minutes later,
I punched the wrong button for my size cup on my coffee maker
and coffee overflowed onto the countertop.

I let Mitzi in

and returned to my perch on the chair by the fire

for my morning time with the Lord.

Chilly, even with the fire,

I headed upstairs to get my Lanny Love's robe

to warm me up and bring him closer.

I tripped going up the stairs.

I talked to the Lord a bit about my morning thus far.

Talked to Him about my Lanny Love and Zach.

Talked to Him about trust.

Talked to Him about my daughter.

Talked to Him about my friend.

Talked to Him about a lot of stuff.

Read His Word.

Sat still and quiet for a bit and listened to Him.

And headed to Facebook to waste some time

where I saw this picture and made it my cover photo:

Two more cups of coffee,

a "good morning, have fun" conversation with my Lanny Love, 

and I head to the pantry for breakfast

where I promptly slam my finger in the door.

I decide it's time to hit the shower and get busy.

As usual, I choose the downstairs shower.

Very briefly, I think about showering upstairs.

But I don't.

I enjoy a long, leisurely shower

and turn the faucet off.

Hot water continues to poor down my body.

I twist the hot knob and it's off.

I think, "Maybe I turned it the wrong way."

Nope.

That results in more scalding water.

I step out of the shower and reach in to try to turn it off.

Nope.

Water continues to fall from the shower head.

At that moment,

I remember satan's love of a challenge!

And into my head pops the thought.

"And your Lanny Love is probably

at this very moment,

laying broken and bruised

under a ton of avalanche snow,

slowly suffocating!"

(I have a very healthy imagination

and I could almost see him struggling!)

"STOP IT!!!"

I say firmly!

"I trust my God with my Lanny Love!"

"And how has that worked out for you in the past,

WIDOW WOMAN?"

I could practically hear the sneer. 

Now, I know in my head.

I know the ski resorts are very conscientious about avalanche control.

And I know that my Lanny Love is careful.

And I know that I have hot water spewing from my shower head 

that needs to be stopped.

But my heart begins to panic.

My chest constricts. 

Then I think of my cover picture.

 And I breathe a prayer.

"My Lanny Love is Yours!

I ask for his protection!

But he is Yours!"

 And my chest relaxes. 

Now, I cannot find a shut off valve for the shower.

I have no idea where the main shut off is in this new home.

I cannot call my Lanny Love,

who, as I type, knows none of this,

for he is on a ski slope enjoying the snowy mountains

and fellowship with his son! 

And I can't remember what plumber he uses.

So I call the one I used while I was single.

They can't make it out until the end of the week.

Not an option at this point.

Back to Facebook and a plea for recommendations.

A number of suggestions for how to stop the shower

and names of plumbers.

Then, a man from my church walks me through 

turning off the line to the water heater.

Success!

The shower stops!

I have no hot water,

but I have plenty of cold and,

most importantly,

toilets.

Disaster averted.

I finish dressing and decide to run a couple errands

before heading to a meeting.

Flat tire.

And he's back.

 "See what happens when you trust God?

All alone again and problems at every turn." 

Sometimes disaster happens.
That is part of life in this fallen world!
satan himself ushered problems big and small into our lives.
And he taunts us with them!

But this morning,

God met my need!

He was faithful,

trustworthy!

As He always is!

Not today, satan!
Not today!

"But the people who trust the Lord

will become strong again.

They will rise up as an eagle in the sky;

they will run and not need rest;

they will walk and not become tired."

                                                   ~~ Isaiah 40:31 NCV

Trust - Part 2

I have never been a worrier.
I used to tell
my late husband, Al
that I didn't need to
that he worried enough for both of us.
But after his diagnosis
and death
I became a worrier.
Fearful for the safety and health of my loved ones.

January has always been hard for me.
Even before Al's January death,
the bleakness,
the after-Christmas let down
caused me to struggle with depression.
But since...
Oy Vey!!!
And so the timing of this trip was not good.
Or maybe it was!
It has forced me to face the hard truth!

Over the last couple of weeks
I have realized that I don't trust my God.
An unpleasant dawning
since I thought I had resolved that!
But my fear for my Lanny Love
has shown me otherwise.

Saturday night,
I wept in his arms
as my Lanny Love
whispered quiet assurance
and encouragement to me.
All through the night
I tossed and turned and prayed.
I battled with my lack of trust,
my fear.


I thought about those Januarys.
Those two.
The loss ones where the pain was unending.
And then I remembered another January.
The one in 2015.
Two years ago.

You see,
on Christmas Eve 2014,
I had a meltdown.
At work.
It was all just suddenly too much.

Too much loss.

Too much grief.

Too much pain.

Too much.

I fell apart.
And I knew.
Something had to be done.
I could not go on as I had been.

And so,
that January,
I began disciplining myself to
choose joy
even if my circumstances
dictated differently.

Many of you were there in those days.
You read as I learned to choose joy.
Many times a day I had to choose it
before it became natural.


Trusting God is the same thing!
I have to choose to do so!
Through the day
yesterday and today,
I have continually prayed
and released my Lanny Love,
and the rest of those people
who are precious to me,
back to Him.


And just as I discovered
in that other January
that choosing joy
led to happiness,
I have discovered today
that choosing trust
leads to peace.



It is not easy to choose!
It takes practice,
discipline.
Just as it did the January of choosing Joy.
It is an act of the will,
choosing to trust!

I so choose!

"The fear of man lays a snare,

but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."

                                  ~~ Proverbs 29:25 ESV

Trust

I am sitting alone
at our dining room table
eating lunch
and praying for safety
and health
for my Lanny Love
and bonus son, Zach
as they take a father/son
ski trip.
And in this month of
remembered loss
I am struggling
to trust God
with these two men
so precious to me.

It has been a busy time

since my last post.

We have finally purchased

and moved into

"our" house.

Not his.

Not mine.

Ours.

And for the first time since

July of 2012 when

my Al and I left

the home we had shared

for more than 20 years,

I feel like I am home.

Not in the house where

I took my Al to die.

Not an intruder

in the house 

made into a home

by another woman.

Ours.

I finally feel at home.

Until today.

A bit more than an hour ago,
my Lanny Love and I
stood outside our home
in each others' arms,
praying for travel and ski safety and health

for them,

and peace and trust in God

for me 

as I spend the next few days alone.
We kissed one another,
Zach and I hugged,
they climbed in the car,
and backed out of the driveway.

I admit it.

I had to restrain myself

from chasing after them,

from running down the side of the house

to the front of the house

where I could watch the car

for as long as possible.

But instead,

I turned and went in the house.

And it no longer felt like home.

It's just a lovely house

without my Lanny Love

to make it a home.

Today is not the first time
I have been alone in this house.
Often,
my Lanny Love spends several hours
at his office at the church.
Occasionally,
he will run an errand
while I stay home.
But this is the first time
since our marriage
13 1/2 months ago
that we will go to bed tonight
without kissing one another good night,
saying "sleep well".
It is the first time
we will arise in the morning
and not smile to see one another,
not kiss good morning,
not share a cup of coffee.
It feels different.

As I think back on those other Januarys,

those impassioned prayers,

the begging,

for healing,

restoration,

togetherness,

as I remember the

"No, My child, not this time"

fear-

no, panic -

overtakes me.
And I struggle to trust
that he will come home.
And that if my impassioned pleas
for that are denied,
I will be okay
because God is in control.

It's interesting

that just this past Monday,

at our monthly gathering 

of members of our ministry group,

our speaker spoke on trust.

Loosely translated,

we trust our phones.

We trust our deodorant.

We trust our bank.

We trust our electric company.

But we often fail to trust our God.

Especially with our families.

(From Lisa Blake, Executive Director, Leadership Canyon; City Council Member)

So, we are settled in at last,
and I am back to blogging.
And for the next four days,
my Lanny Love and Zach
are on a ski adventure.
And just a little over an hour ago,
I began again
a trust adventure
with God.

May I prove worthy of Him!

 When I am afraid,

I will trust You.

I praise God for His Word.

I trust God, so I am not afraid.

                                            ~~ Psalm 56:3,4 NCV

But the person who trusts in the Lord will be blessed.

The Lord will show [her] that He can be trusted.

                                      ~~ Jeremiah 17:7