Are ALL men pigs???

It has been an interesting couple of weeks. I have had several men express an interest in dating me. I would like to give the men of the world some pointers.

• Your wife or girlfriend really does mind if you date.
• Saying to a woman you just met that you find her attractive, that you'd like to take her out sometime, and that your car is an automatic which frees your right hand up "for other activities" is not a good opening line for most women. If you are looking for a woman who will like that line, you can find plenty of them on "the Boulevard" in my city and it will cost you less than dinner and a movie and won't take as much of your valuable time.
• If a woman is wearing a wedding ring, whether she is married or not, she is not interested in dating.
• If you are wearing a wedding ring, or if there is evidence that you recently were wearing one, she is not interested in dating you.
• The following statements are not ringing endorsements that would encourage a woman to accept your invitation:
• "I used to do drugs but I mostly quit nearly five years ago."
• "I used to drink a lot but I gave it up a while back except for a couple six-packs once or twice a week. But no hard stuff anymore."
• "I'm not even going to try to give up smoking or sex! Everyone has a vice!"
• "Yeah, I've been married several times. One only lasted seven days. She was my second mistake."
• If a woman says to you that she is not dating at the present time, tell her you hope she will let you know when she is ready or ask if you can ask again in a few weeks. Do not try to convince her that you are God's gift to humankind in general and women in particular unless you want her to grow weary of your trite remarks and put you soundly in your place.
• Never, never, never try to show a woman "what she is missing" in an attempt to convince her to go dancing with you. You may find yourself unable to dance - or walk - for a while (this one is from last year at this time).
• Please understand we know the difference between "yes", "no", and "maybe". Take our word for it.
• Telling a woman in an email of your physical attributes and asking her if she would like to meet up is not a good way to start a conversation. Please see instructions above regarding "the Boulevard" (also a story from a while back).
• If you think she's "the one", please be aware that if she doesn't agree, she isn't the one! Trying to force her to accept that you are meant for each other is a good way to get a broken heart. And rather than encouraging her to fall in love, it only makes her feel guilty - and, oftentimes, angry. 
• If, when you meet a woman for the first time, your hair is dirty, your beard and mustache unruly, your clothing wrinkled, in poor condition, and mismatched, and you smell bad, this is not the time to ask a woman out. She will say no!
• If you have to brag about the size of your bank account to get a date, you probably don't want to date that woman! And you may need to examine why it might be necessary to disclose that information in order to get a "yes".

 Thank you, ahem, gentlemen. I hope you will find this information valuable and helpful in your romantic pursuits.