Super Bowl Sunday

Three years ago on Super Bowl Sunday,
          a drunk driver totaled both our vehicles
                    and right after, Al was given a terminal diagnosis.
Two years ago on Super Bowl Sunday,
          I had buried my husband the day before -
                    to be honest,
                              I don't remember that Super Bowl Sunday.
Last year on Super Bowl Sunday -
          well, let's just say I was anticipating, hoping, dreaming.

                    My team won last year.

                              The rest of the dream did not survive,

and, again, my prayers were not answered as I hoped.

Each Super Bowl for the last three years has marked

 the beginning of a major change.

None of the changes were for the better 

in the earthly sense.

They each brought loss.

As with the previous two Super Bowls, 

this year has brought a new kind of sorrow to my life:

          The first brought Al's diagnosis -          

facing losing him.         

                    The second brought his death -                   

no explanation needed.                  

                              The third brought                              

my very first break-up.                             

Today is Super Bowl Sunday.

Seahawks are playing again.

Again, I hope they win.

But nothing else is the same.

The first year, I went from a size 14/16 to a size 22 - stress eating -

and the hunt for a cure, any cure, any where.

The second year I went from a size 22 to a size 12 - great grief -

and just trying to get out of bed each day -

and then - greatest of miracles -

 finding hope, love, healing.

This year, I have gone from a size 12 to a size 6 - 

more sorrow and walking miles and miles in the sun 

to keep from succumbing to 

the overwhelming urge to just give up and quit.

I have gone from running my own successful home business,

to working outside my home at a job that, 

to be quite honest, 

I don't like very much right now.

I have gone from a future that I could visualize

to one that is shrouded in fog and mystery

and is, quite frankly, pretty scary.

But the last three Super Bowls have brought other changes too.
With each one,
          my dependence upon God has increased.
With each one,
          my circumstances have left me nowhere to turn but to Him.
With each one,
          has come tremendous spiritual growth.
With each one,
          has come increased faith and trust in Him
                    as He has carried me through
                              the unthinkable,
                                        the unsurvivable.
With each one, as I have faced
          uncertainty,
                    disappointment,
                              pain,
                                        the greatest sorrow I have ever known,
He has remained faithful to bring
          comfort,
                    support,
                              growth,
                                        unending love and compassion.

So today, I have to admit, I'm feeling a little - jumpy.

Things are in flux again.

There have been several "happenings" recently

in addition to the "dates" that I've been struggling through.

As I have said several times over the last weeks,

I am feeling "on the verge" of something big.

I still don't know what,

but I know who does.

And so, today I say,

"Come on Super Bowl Sunday!

Give it your best shot!

I reside in the Palm of God's Hand -

you can't hurt me!"

Be anxious for nothing,

but in everything by prayer and supplication,

with thanksgiving,

let your requests be made known to God;

and the peace of God,

which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

                                                                 ~~ Philippians 4:6-7 ~~