Miracles

The last couple weeks have been very full!
I have had several evening commitments
following long work days.
We seem to be in feast or famine mode.
Either extremely busy,
or bored to tears.
Too many cars, or none at all.

The weather has been bi-polar as well,
warm and sunny, bitterly cold and windy,
dry, wet, ice, snow,
we've had it all.

I had a successful first date last week-end
and will have another first date this week-end.
I am looking forward to the evening out
and the company of this gentleman.
And, I am looking forward to a second date
with the first gentleman.
For so long, everyone I met was "Myeh..."
and suddenly, I find myself very attracted
to two fine men who are very attracted to me -
and their attraction to me is not merely physical!
Both are perfect gentlemen!
And I am in no rush to "choose" between them.
I will take my time.
I will move at God's pace for me.

I no longer feel the desperate need
to make the hurting stop!
I no longer feel the desperate need
to find someone, anyone,
to replace what I had lost.
My life is full.
I have discovered contentment in myself
and in my God.
And if that is all there will ever be on this earth,
that is okay.
It is more than enough.

So in this period of sharp turns in every aspect of my life,
this period of feeling God's blessing to move forward,
of tucking away the two men I love
into their respective corners of my heart,
and giving myself permission to once again
fall in love,
I have found peace at last.

There are still tears.
Sometimes there are still sobs.
I still tear up, weep, at thoughts of my precious Al most days.
And I still smile at thoughts of our happy times.
I still think of him many, many times.
I still miss him more than words can say,
still love him wholly and completely.
And, I still tear up, cry, at thoughts of my Harlan most days.
And smile at thoughts of our happy times.
I still think of him many, many times.
I still miss him, still love him,
still wish with all my heart it had turned out differently.

But it is changing, this grief of mine.
It is more past,
less present.
It is no longer hope for what cannot be.
Or fantasy.

And, in some ways that makes me sad.
But the relief in my spirit is such a blessing!

I find myself smiling more in the last couple weeks.
I hear humming and realize it's me.
My sense of humor, my wit, is returning.
My energy is increasing.
I am sleeping better.

Dare I say it?
I think I am, once again,
finding joy in the journey of this life!
Something only God could accomplish!

And people say God doesn't still perform miracles!

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him,

and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise Him.

                                                                 ~~ Psalm28:7 NIV ~~