I'm feeling sorry for myself.
I have faced some very hard truths the last few days.
And I am really feeling the loneliness of this "season of love".
Today, I stopped at three stores that I have not been in for a long while.
The last time was with Al.
I was looking for the last gift I needed to purchase.
In the first one, I teared up.
They didn't have what I wanted.
On to the second store, where I cried.
They didn't have what I wanted.
On to the third store, where I stood in line with my gift, sobbing.
Then I stopped and got cookies
and came home and had them for dinner.
Because that's helpful!
Hey! At least it wasn't a bottle of wine!
But I have to tell you something.
In the facing of truths and the sorrow it brings,
in the missing Al and the sorrow it brings,
in the loneliness of this season of love,
I am at peace.
Because, you see, trusting God doesn't mean no sorrow.
Faith in God does not mean never being alone and lonely in the human sense.
Having peace in Him is not dependent upon my circumstances.
It is not dependent upon getting what I want.
It is not dependent upon going to Llano Cemetery and finding no grave marked "Al".
It is not dependent upon getting a phone call or an email or having my doorbell ring.
No, it is none of those things.
Peace in Him is dependent upon Him.
And He is faithful even when we are not.
He does not fail us even when we fail Him.
He is trustworthy even when we don't trust Him.
He is with us, He never ever leaves us!
The Baby in the manger.
That is what this season of love is all about.
It's not about sipping cocoa while wrapping presents together.
It's not about cuddling by the fireplace, watching the tree twinkle.
It's not about presents for and from that special someone.
It's the Baby Jesus.
Come from Heaven - knowing what the future held - to save us each and everyone.
That is love!
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