Choosing Joy

My late husband tended to be a pessimist.

I have pretty much always been an optimist.

Even in the face of horrible circumstances,

I could see silver linings.

I pretty much always believed

things would work out as they should.

I used to tell him he had to  

choose joy sometimes.

The last couple years have put me to the test!

And in many ways, I have failed.

Sometimes the grief just blotted out

all traces of silver lining.

Sometimes I just let myself have a pity party.

Other times,

I quite simply could not overcome the sorrow.

In the last several weeks though,

God has reminded me that 

sometimes we must choose joy.

Way back in September,

I determined to begin looking

for the silver lining again.

And with His help,

I am beginning to find it.

It's not easy.

The last couple days have been weepy.

But in the midst of the cloudbursts...

silver lining...

joy.

In Jesus.

          In the memories.

                    In my present.

                              In my past.

                                        In my hope for a future.

I'm still lonely.

     I still wish things were different.          

But they aren't.

And wishes can't change that.               

Only God can bring restoration.

I picture Al in Heaven.

A pessimist no more!

Absolute joy!

Complete contentment!

Home at last!

It's harder with Harlan.

He's not in Heaven.

But still, there is joy in the memories.

Their is joy in the prayers I lift for him each day.

And there is even joy in the loneliness.

For through it, through the pain, through the sorrow, through the loss

I have grown dependent upon Jesus.

I have learned that I cannot do it alone.

I have learned to trust Him more.

I have learned to love Him more.

I have learned to lean on Him more.

I have learned to place my hand in His and let Him lead.

I have learned to be still.

I have learned to wait.

 I have learned to choose joy in a new way.

Choosing joy.

It's very satisfying.