Learning to Trust

I do not easily trust.

And I tend to jump to conclusions.

It is, perhaps, my worst trait.

I grew up in an environment of deceit.

I learned early
that trusting was foolhardy.

And sometimes dangerous.

It was a lesson I learned well.

Sometimes not trusting 
has saved me some heartache.

But more often it has cost me great joy.

Precious relationships.

Damaged beyond repair.

Where no amount of remorse or 
"I'm sorry, please forgive me"
could fix it.

Where explaining the "why" didn't help.

And so, the few heartaches I've saved myself
have been multiplied in loss by my lack of trust.

I has been a problem.

But the biggest problem,

I have come to realize,

is that I don't fully trust God.

He has spent significant time

working with me on this trust issue.

Especially in the last

nearly three years.

And I'm finally getting it!

I am, have mostly always been,

a trustworthy individual.

Because God taught me how to be so.

I knew the pain of betrayal

and never wanted to be the 

cause of that in another.

And I have learned that

He could teach me

because He Himself

is trustworthy.

And so are most people.

Yes, trusting involves risk

where people are concerned.

But it is mostly worth it!

And when it's misplaced,

it is still worth the risk

for the potential.

But with God,

there is no risk!

He never betrays!

That is not to say that

we will always understand,

or always agree with His

working in our lives.

But He is always trustworthy!

Always knows best!

We just have to do it,

trust Him!

Daddy God ~

Thank you for Your infinite patience with me!

Thank You for the journey on which You have led me the last several years!

What a change this week has wrought!

Peace in my soul!

Joy in Jesus!

The angst, the confusion, the doubt, the fear, the anguish,

all gone!

Though I still don't know where You are leading,

though I still hope and want,

There is peace!

"Do you trust Me?"

"Yes, I do! Help me to trust You more!"

I will be still.

I will wait on You!

I will hold tight to Your Hand,

follow where You lead!

 For You, Your will, are what I want!

More than Al!

More than Harlan!

More than any mate!

More than relief from loneliness!

More than anything!

I want You!

I want Your will!

I love You, Jesus!

I trust You!

Thank You for sacrificing for me!

Thank You for paying the price for me!

And for Al, joyous now in Your presence!

And for Harlan!

And for Chrys & Craig,

Kim & Dusty,

Hayden, Ashton, & Kylie!

For the stranger down the block,

across town,

across the world!

For the most hardened criminal,

for the most gentle soul!

Thank You, Jesus!

I worship and adore You!

I lay my life before You!

You are all I need!

Anything above and beyond You

is a bonus gift given by You!

And I trust You to know what is best for me!

For those I love!

I trust You!