Learning to trust again

Trust is not an easy thing for me.
I learned early not to trust.
As an adult, I learned that
not all people are untrustworthy.
Then last year,
my trust was shattered,
I thought possibly beyond repair.
And so, I am working on trust again.

Sometimes, it is easy.
The promises are light and
it doesn't really matter
if they are broken.
But other times,
when my heart is involved,
it is terribly difficult,
and terrifying.
And so I am relearning.

Sometimes I am shocked
at how quick I have become
to distrust, to suspect.
Appalled at how guarded
my emotions are now.
And so I open up.
Share.
Do lots of self-talk
about trusting others
until they prove themselves untrustworthy.
You know,
innocent until proven guilty.

And mostly, I have relaxed.
But today is Sunday.
And last year is rearing its ugly head.
So, coming to you,
my therapist readers,
to talk it out,
see it in writing,
remind myself again,
most people are trustworthy
most of the time,
and God is trustworthy always!!!

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him,

and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise Him.

                                                                 ~~ Psalm28:7 NIV ~~