Disappointment

I am, for the most part, a rule follower.
If I break a rule, I have usually given it a lot of thought.
But yesterday, I broke a rule that I had determined to keep.
I had given it a considerable amount of thought.
The rule, though I didn't like it, was a keeper.
Nonetheless, I broke it.
And I am very disappointed in myself.

In the process, I hurt someone about whom I care deeply.
Therein lies the real disappointment.
Because I had promised myself I wouldn't.
Because it was important to me.
It was important to the other person.
It was important to God.

I think the other person may be somewhat disappointed in me.
I'm pretty certain God is.

But wait.
Perhaps God isn't.
For disappointment requires an element of surprise.
And nothing we do surprises God.
When we displease Him, we hurt him.
But He knows us better than we know ourselves.
We don't surprise Him!
Ever!

Back to my train of thought....

We tend to think of breaking rules in terms of the depth of the break and consequences.
Some are okay to break we think.
Five miles per hour over the speed limit is okay, for example,
because usually an officer will not pull you over for that.
So it must be okay.
Twenty-five miles per hour over the speed limit isn't okay.
We'd definitely get pulled over for that.
A little white lie doesn't hurt anyone, and, in fact,
sometimes prevents someone from being hurt we think.
"Yes, you look great in that dress!" when it really makes her look like a toad.
That's okay.
But a whopper, a blatant, out-and-out lie for our own benefit,
that's not okay.
Picking up a bunch of grapes, sold by weight, in the grocery store
and eating a few on the way to the check out is okay.
You're buying the bunch, after all,
and a few grapes would only come to a few pennies at the register.
But robbing a bank is stealing.
That's not okay.

See what I mean?
Levels and consequences.
If it's "big", we don't break the rules.
If it's "minor", it's okay.
If others would do the same or look the other way,
it's okay.
If most everyone in society would gasp in shock,
or if it could get us in trouble,
it's not.

But here's the thing.
Rules are rules.
And breaking a small rule simply makes it easier to break a big one next time.
Steps.
No one starts out robbing the bank.
They start out eating a few grapes on the way to the check out.

What rule I broke isn't important.
And most of society wouldn't think anything of it.
But it's a rule.
And I broke it.
And I'm disappointed in myself.

Sigh..........

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him,

and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise Him.

                                                                 ~~ Psalm28:7 NIV ~~