Spicy Ketchup

Someone I know makes fabulous spicy ketchup! And I love spicy ketchup! I have a bottle that was made just for me because I loved it so much! And it's almost gone. And since I am no longer in touch with the chef, it will be the last of this wonderful treat when it is gone.

I have the recipe. I could make it myself. But much of what makes this bottle special is knowing it was made just for me. Just because I liked it. And I miss being special to someone.

A lot!

I am heading into what is likely to be a difficult season. In just under two weeks it will be the second anniversary of the day my Al was released from treatment and referred to hospice for the last time. Two weeks from tomorrow is his birthday - the absolute hardest "first" of my first year of widowhood. There are many other things that will be hard memories over the next few months. Some seconds with Al. Some firsts with another heartache. Lots of hard.

So, as the ketchup bottle slowly drains, I am reminded that while this bottle will soon be empty, I do have the recipe. I can choose to make another batch. It won't be the same. It may taste somewhat different and I'll have to make it myself. But I can still enjoy spicy ketchup!

Much like life. 

My life is different now. It will not ever be the same. but I can - and do - choose to make another life. It will be different. It is different. But different isn't bad, it's just different! And I enjoyed that other life. A lot! And I miss it. A lot! But, my new life is going to be wonderful!

I just have to let it be!