Shadows

I remember dates. I sometimes wish I didn't.

You know what I mean. 

                        Anniversaries

                                                         Birthdays

                                                                                    Salvation Dates

Those are fun.

But I also remember the sad dates. You know,

                                                                             Diagnosis

                                                                                                 Hospice was called

                                                                                                                                     Death

Those are not fun.

And then there are those others. You know, the "firsts":

Text

Phone call

Kiss

Sometimes those are fun. Sometimes they are sad. Depends on the outcome.

Today is a date I remember. It is one of those last kind. It could have been a happy, fun date. But the outcome has altered it and so it is a hard date.

One that would be best forgotten.

But I remember.

The last couple weeks have been full of such dates. And I have been struggling.

And praying.

And searching God's Word.

And here is where He has led me.

"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord.

"And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are My ways higher than your ways

and My thoughts higher than your thoughts."

                                                           ~~ Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT ~~

Wow! He is so far above us!!! We cry out for understanding of life's circumstances, hurts, disappointments, losses, but

WE

CANNOT

UNDERSTAND!

Because He is so far above us!

We can only trust and obey, seek Him - not our own understanding!

Nonetheless, He provided me with a tiny bit of understanding and wisdom this morning!

Keep on asking and you will be given what you ask for.

Keep on looking and you will find.

Keep on knocking and the door will be opened.

For everyone who asks receives.

Everyone who seeks finds.

And the door is opened to everyone who knocks.

You parents -

If your children ask for a loaf of bread,

do you give them a stone instead?

Or if they ask for a fish,

do you give them a snake?

Of course not!

If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will your Heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him."

                                     ~~ Matthew 7:7-11 NLT ~~

 

Wait just a minute here!

I asked!

No, I begged!

I knocked! HARD! And PERSISTENTLY!

I asked for a loaf of bread and got a heart as heavy as a stone!

What's up???

And God answered!

What I think I want and what I actually want are not always the same thing!

Is it possible?

Could it be?

Have I not received because I have not yet asked for what I want?

Maybe, just maybe, the loving, merciful God who knows my heart better than I, who knows my future, knows I don't really want what I beg for, that it would be hurtful to me and to His Kingdom!

Maybe, just maybe, I have attached myself, my heart, to a mere shadow of what I want, what He has for me.

Or maybe, just maybe, I have been so centered on what I want that I have failed to "seek first His Kingdom and all these things will be given to you." Matthew 6:33.

Teach me, Daddy God, to seek You, Your Kingdom, Your Will first. Teach me to search my heart as You search it. Teach me to know the true desire of my heart, not just the surface wants. Give me my heart's true desire as only You know it! Maybe it's what I think. Maybe it isn't. You know!

Thank you, Daddy God, for speaking this morning! Thank You for Your patience with me!