Disappointment

"You remember what you said to me once?" She tapped my foot. "My dream is every day. When I wake up, I want to find something new. Something beautiful about each day I'm given. I want to take the cards I'm given and play them with a smile, not to win, just to play."

"Yeah. I said that when life's biggest disappointment was losing a job or being single."

"Well, try it." She stood, left, and returned with the baby. "Find something beautiful..."

 "...This is so hard, Ella. It's so hard. I felt okay until I came home. Or to your home. Now life is going on all around me and...I want to cry."

                                                                                                ~~"Bloom" by Marilyn Grey

Disappointment. The plan didn't turn out as envisioned.

     He died
          She left you
               They fired you
                    You got cancer
                          You didn't get the promotion

And disappointment is part of the pain! We feel disappointed in ourselves. We feel disappointed in others. We feel disappointed in - dare I say it? - yes, we feel disappointed in God! Why didn't He fix it??? He could have! So, on top of the pain of the loss is the pain of the disappointment, the disillusionment. Whatever your disappointment, your loss. The plan failed. Your plan failed. And it really, really hurts! And life will never, ever be the same.

And, you're right. It won't. It will never, ever be the same. Because the plan didn't go as, well, planned. And things are different now.

But that's life! Plans fail, change! They do! Sometimes because we change them. Sometimes not. Sometimes to a plan that feels better. Sometimes to a plan that feels much, much worse. But life is not stagnant! It is constantly moving. Constantly changing.

What about you? Are you stagnant? Are you stuck on the plan that can no longer be? It's easy to do! It feels impossible, moving to the new plan! Because you still want the old one!

I'm fond of saying "change is difficult, even when it's good change." And that's true. But when it's "bad" change? Oy vay! Not difficult! Excruciating! Debilitating! Horrendous!

But that WILL pass!!! The horror of your loss, that gaping wound, that bleeding, aching, gash, will begin to heal, scab over. Oh yes, you will have to clean it. That will sometimes open it back up and it will hurt again. But the scab grows back. And eventually the raw wound heals. Eventually, there is just a tender scar. And, I hear, eventually the scar stops being tender. It is always there, but it is only a reminder. It is no longer the raw, gaping, seeping, bleeding, deep wound that it was in the beginning.

I think we will always wish the skin were still smooth where that scar is. I think we will always wish that the wound hadn't happened. But it did. And for a reason. Sometimes God reveals that reason. Sometimes He doesn't. But their is a reason!

We can't change what happened. We can only change our reaction to it. Look for the beauty that still surrounds you! The blessings you still have! They are there!!!

     Your children
          Your home
               Your job
                    Your health
                         God, for when everything else fails, God is still there, even when we feel disappointed!

Look for the beauty! Look hard! In the beginning, it's harder to find than further down the road, but it's there! No, it's not the beauty you lost - though don't discount the memory of that beauty as current beauty - but there is beauty! Even if all you can see is a lone flower blooming or a pretty color on something, find it, remind yourself that beauty still exists! Because God exists!

Hang on for now! Hang on! It will get better! I promise!

"I know this is hard, Sarah. It's painful and lonely and hard...It's going to get better. I promise you."

"How can you promise that?" I snapped. He barely blinked. Not phased by my outburst. "Sorry, but how can anyone promise that? I've lost so much."

                                                                                                ~~"Bloom" by Marilyn Grey~~ 

I promise because I know. I have come through some of the journey. I have experienced loss, great, excruciating, loss. Several times in the last two years. And it has gotten better. I promise because I see others who have experienced loss, great, excruciating, loss, and they are further along the journey than I am and they are better still. I promise because God promises! If we trust Him!

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.

He rescues them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the broken hearted;

he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous face many troubles,

but the Lord rescues them from each and every one."

                                          ~~Psalm 34:17-19 NLT