Going steady

July 3, 1971.
He asked me to go steady and I said yes.
He tied a leather strap with three little colored beads
around my neck and it was official.

I was his girl! 

That leather strap did not come off for nearly five years,
until the morning of our wedding.


We had been a couple already for several weeks.
But there was something about it being official,
about the public, visible proof, that was special.
It moved us from

"Yeah, I like him/her..." 

to

"He's/she's mine and I'm proud that we've chosen each other!" 

It was somehow even more significant
than our engagement because four years later,
no one needed the ring on my finger to know we would marry soon.
We always,

every single year even after our marriage, 

always celebrated our going steady anniversary.
It was a very, very special day.


One of the strange things I have discovered about widow grief is that,
very often,
the days leading up to a significant date or a holiday
are worse than the actual day itself and I have struggled
in the days leading up to today,
this third going steady anniversary since his death,
even more than I did the first two.
Perhaps because this year is different.
For the first time since I was 14,
I am someone else's girl on this day.
And it accentuates my loss.

Al will always be my first love. 

He will always be a part of me.
But, after 44 years,
I'm no longer going steady with him.
And, despite my joy in my new relationship,
that really hurts.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him,

and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise Him.

                                                                 ~~ Psalm28:7 NIV ~~