A storm is blowing in

The wind has picked up.
The temperature has dropped significantly.
Gray clouds, heavy with rain, cover the sky.
Lightning is flashing in the distance.
I am sitting on my Lanny Love's patio
watching it coming.
And I am not afraid.

Now, I have never been afraid of storms.
Not the kind that produce wind and rain,
thunder and lightning.
But I have grown to fear the other kind of storms.
The life storms.
Even when there is no evidence of one coming on.

I used to tell my Al that I didn't need to worry,
that he worried enough for both of us.
And I always figured worrying wasn't going to change the outcome anyway.
So I didn't.
And I didn't fear much.
But I loved him.
Deeply.
And I feared losing him.
And, I did.
And then I began to worry.
About everything.

After a bit, I fell in love again.
Deeply.
And I feared losing Harlan.
And I did.
And worry was fertilized.

Now, despite my determination not to,
I have fallen in love again.
Deeply.
And I fear losing him.
And I worry.

But worry and fear are not pleasing to God.
So I work at not worrying.
I pray about not worrying.
And I worry.

My Lanny Love is in Kenya,
serving God on a mission trip.
He has been gone five days.
He will be gone another ten.
He will be going through French Customs,
Paris,
on the way home.
When I learned that,
fear gave way to terror.
It doesn't matter why.
It just did.

As his departure approached,
I became more emotional,
clingy.
I cried a lot.
I had nightmares.
I dreamed of Al.
And Harlan.
And losing Lanny.

The morning of his departure,
during my devotions,
I begged, pleaded, cajoled, promised, bargained.
I told God I just wanted him to come home,
safe and well.
That's all.
Just bring him home to me.

God, never One to ignore His children,
seemed silent to me that morning.
And my fear increased throughout the day.
My head screamed in pain.
My stomach rolled with nausea.
And I felt very, very alone.

As we said goodbye at the airport,
I had to work not to cry,
not to beg him not to go.
I stayed through security.
I watched as he walked down the hall and out of sight.
And still, I did not leave.

I sat for nearly three hours
waiting for his plane -
delayed because of mechanical issues -
to depart.
I was seated where I could see his gate.
I watched as he walked down the glass gateway.
Watched as he crossed over into the plane.
I watched as the plane pulled away from the gate.
I watched as it taxied,
picked up speed,
lifted off the runway.

Then it happened.
I could almost see it.
God's Hand's lifting the plane into the air.
God, lifting my Lanny Love.
God, in control.
More in love with him that I could ever be.
And at that same moment,
He lifted the fear from my heart.

What a relief the last five days have been!
My Lanny Love will still go through Paris,
French Customs,
on the way home.
There are still mosquitoes carrying malaria in Kenya.
There is still...well, there is still something else.
But the fear is gone.

Praise God!!!

Lord, I will thank You with all my heart;

I will sing to You before the gods.

I will bow down facing your holy Temple,

and I will thank You for Your love and loyalty.

 You have made Your Name and Your Word

greater than anything.

On the day I called You,

You answered me.

You made me strong and brave.

                                ~~ Psalm 138:1-3 NCV ~~ 

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him,

and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise Him.

                                                                 ~~ Psalm28:7 NIV ~~