58 and still learning

I am in my 59th year.
It is less than two years until my 60th birthday.
I used to think that was old.
Really, really old!
I no longer do.

Oh yes, I feel a few more aches and pains than I did in my younger years.
I have developed a few lines I didn't used to have.
My hair has grown some, ahem, natural highlights.
But I am not old.
I aged a lot in the last just over three years.
Grief does that.
Still, I look decent for a 58 year old woman.
I feel wonderful most of the time.
And my mind and heart are still 25!
So even though I am 58, I am not old!

I have discovered the fountain of youth!
The anti-aging treatment to beat them all!
No, it's not a cream!
Or a pill!
Or a diet!
Or an exercise program!
It's something that happens inside of you.
It's probably a little different for everyone -
though the foundation is the same.

You may remember that in January,
I decided to begin choosing joy.
That's not always easy!
And I did a LOT of self-talking at first -
still do from time-to-time.
But God and I have returned me to my joy.

It is not the same joy I once had.
Innocence has been lost.
We lose innocence often throughout our lives.
But with the loss comes gain:

Wisdom

Determination

Fight

Personal growth

Spiritual growth

I am a different person today than I was three years ago.
A much different person!
And that is neither good nor bad.
It's just different.
Everything is in a constant state of flux,
including us!
Some changes I have embraced and welcomed.
Others, I have fought, pushed away, run from, ignored.
But nonetheless, I have changed.

I often hear people wishing they could go back in time.
I don't wish that.
Would I change some things if I could?
In my humanness, certainly!
I wouldn't have any losses or the resulting anguish!
But that would have put me in a different place than I am today.
And that would mean not having the growth that has resulted!
While I can't say that I've always enjoyed the journey,
my location is good,
and I am certainly looking forward to where God is taking me!
I miss the people that I've lost and
I still don't understand!
But I love the people that I've gained!

I guess I am truly learning, as Paul admonishes,
to be content in all circumstances,
to accept God's will for my life even when it feels unpleasant to me,
to accept His wisdom in what He allows -
and disallows -
who and what He brings into my life -
and takes out.
It is not an easy path.
But then lack of acceptance wouldn't make it any easier after all -
believe me!

I know.
You say it's easy for me to be content right now.
I am in love.
But my Lanny Love is far, far away at this moment in time.
And, I still have life problems -
just like everyone else -
even though I'm in love.
And even in love,
I don't know what tomorrow holds
for loved ones are not here forever.


Here is what I know.
God has a plan.
I am living His plan.
And that is exactly where I want to live!

Fifty-eight years old.
It certainly took long enough for me to arrive at the obvious!

I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have

and with everything that happens.

I know how to live when I am poor,

and I know how to live when I have plenty.

I have learned the secret of being happy at any time

in everything that happens,

when I have enough to eat

and when I go hungry,

when I have more than I need

and when I do not have enough.

I can do all things through Christ,

because He gives me strength.

                                    ~~ Philippians 4:11-13 NCV ~~ 

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him,

and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise Him.

                                                                 ~~ Psalm28:7 NIV ~~