Loneliness

Isolation.
Most people dislike it!
We are accustomed to coming and going as we please.
This time of pandemic isolation is difficult.
Lonely.
Especially for extroverts, children, and folks who live alone.
And MOST especially for the recently separated or widowed
who feel alone even in a crowd.

Those men and women who,
at a time when we really need to be with people,
when the support of friends and family
are what keep them going,
when they are already struggling for anything
to be worth getting out of bed for,
suddenly find themselves sequestered,

alone,

lonely.

And it feels like no light at the end of the tunnel.

I remember those early days of my widowhood.
Having to verbally tell myself

Get out of bed.

Comb your hair.

Eat.

Brush your teeth.

Take a shower.

Get dressed.

I didn't have the strength or desire to do those things.

But I knew I should, needed to.

My children and grandchildren,

my friend Chris and my sister and brother

kept me going in those days.

They called, the came over, they pushed me, they asked if I had eaten.

I don't know that I could have healed -

or even survived -

without their love and support.

My heart hurts for those of you in this position.

And for those extroverts who,

while my introverted self is thriving and building energy 

with this extended opportunity to isolate and rest,

are falling deeper and deeper into depression and

desperation for face-to-face human contact!

My heart hurts for you!

But, something I discovered during my anguished grief,

my choice to live rather than merely exist,

and my subsequent remarriage is this:

There is a yearning within us 

that can only be filled by God!

That loneliness we feel while even in a crowd;

The dissatisfaction with your spouse, friends, family,

is borne of the expectation that they can fill that spot.

And they cannot!

It is God's spot and God's alone ~

and He cohabitates all the other spots!

So when we isolate Him

or from Him,

ALL our spots are lacking!

When Al died,

I tried desperately to make it stop hurting!!!
I ran away from home repeatedly!

I did foolish things!

I deeply hurt myself and others!

And nothing I did made it stop!

I could not give that hole away!

I could not give it to Harlan.

I could not give it to Michael.

I could not even give it to my precious Lanny Love.

No person could cure the ache and longing for Al.

Because the spot in my heart that is his

cannot be filled by another man!

It was not until I gave that hurt,

gave that spot that is Al's,

completely over to God 

and invited Him to fill it to overflowing,

that the hurting went away!

Do I still miss him?

Yes, sometimes intensely.

Do I still love him?

Absolutely and deeply.

But the intense anguish,

the persistent pain,

the constant longing,

those are gone now.

So, while we are isolated,

don't sink!

Text, Facebook, Face-time!

And more importantly,

spend some time with God.

You are not alone!

I know, He is not your missing love, or child, parents, friends, or co-workers.

He is better!

HE, not other people, makes you complete!

You are all in my prayers!