Friday, March 13, 2020

Cheescake, drugs, fruit inspection, empathy and compassion

I have learned some things in my life.
In one month,
I will embark upon my 64th year.
How is that even possible!?!
And in the nearly 63 completed years
I have learned some things.
But not everything!

Recently, during my run ~ 
why, at nearly 63 years old
do I find in necessary
to try to look and act 20???
But that is another blog...
~ recently, during my run,
God began to speak to me through a podcast.

In the last several months,
I have been struggling mightily
with my weight.
I have been one of two things most of my life ~
a person who did not eat at all,
or a person who overate.
Anorexia, binge and purge.
I have worked diligently to overcome those things
and find the happy medium.
And I have been very successful
over the last few years.
Until this past year.
Good ol' age 
and the hormonal issues that come with it
have reared their ugly heads
and I have struggled.
As my weight has gone up,
I have struggled with my old friends
and I have found myself thinking,
"If I'm going to be fat anyway,
In the words of Dr. Phil,
"So how's that working for you?"

This struggle has led to some pondering.
I have two people,
dear to me,
who struggle with drug addiction.
Both worked diligently to overcome.
One struggles, but is persevering.
The other is eating the cheesecake.
It's hard not to judge.

Now judgement is one of those sticky wickets.
We jump all over the Scripture
that tells us not to judge.
And we use it to prevent necessary correction.
Especially as adults.
But that is taking Scripture out of context,
one of mankind's favorite past-times.
But that's not what this blog is about.

What this blog is about is God pointing out to me
that one sin is not greater than the next
and that ALL of us have sinned and fallen short
and that ALL of us have struggles.

You see, my food issues are many
and are partially the result of the fact
that I am an addictive personality type.
I could easily have been an alcoholic.
So I don't drink.
I could easily have been a drug addict.
So I take medicines with great caution.
I could have been easily addicted to many things.
But I am addicted to food.

People who do not struggle with this particular addiction
do not understand.
I often hear, "Just don't eat so much!"
And have replied, "Would you say to an alcoholic,
'Just have one drink three times a day and no more!'
because that is what you are saying to the food addict!"
And I still feel that way about quantity eating.
But quality eating is another story.

I have to eat.
Every single day.
And I admit to you freely
that portion control is hard for me,
something I have to be aware of every time I eat.
But I don't have to eat cheesecake!
Not even one bite.
Ever again!
Doesn't that sound awful!?!?!?!

God has been reminding me the last few days,
every single time I think about putting cheesecake -
or whatever other poor food choice I am considering -
into my mouth,
that this is the same as what I expect of my loved ones.
Give up the unnecessary,
but greatly enjoyed,
Not so much as a taste.
Don't even smell it.
Pass it by in the grocery store.
Give up the friends that will serve cheesecake.
Only go to health food restaurants so I won't be tempted.
For the rest of my life!

My perspective has been rocked!
And my tendency to offer a bit more
empathy and compassion
in the midst of others' poor choices,
has increased.
This is not to be confused with
excusing or enabling.
There are consequences to our choices.
But maybe, just maybe,
my fruit inspection can be put aside
in favor of ~
dare I say it? ~
mercy and grace a bit more often!

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