Fearful Procrastination

Do you ever procrastinate?
I do!

All!

The!

Time!

Oh, I don't just watch T.V.

Or read a book.

Or daydream.

I do other useful things.

Like clean.

Like cook.

Like blog.

But often,

like today,

those other things are simply distractions

allowing me to put off doing something else.

Now, eventually,

those something else's have to be accomplished.

Putting them off,

distracting myself with other things,

doesn't change that.

Most of the time,

the procrastinated task is something unpleasant

and so,

off it is put for as long as possible.

While that is really rather foolish

since it just keeps the dread alive,

it really doesn't hurt anything and

it does get other needed tasks finished as well.

But sometimes,

like today,

it is fearful procrastination.

And that's a problem.

I have, for several months,

been trying to be accepted into a program.

Finally this week,

I received the anticipated email.

All I have to do to get started

is successfully complete a test.

And I'm scared.

What if I fail?

What if I'm not as smart as I think I am?

What if I'm not as detail oriented as I assume?

What if my perfectionist tendencies aren't enough?

What if I don't measure up?

What if -

dare I say it? -

What if I'm not good enough?

Now, each moment that I put this test off

eats into needed time to finish it.

Each moment means less time

to get it right.

Each moment means more overlooked details are likely.

Each moment....

increases my chance of failure.

Fear is the enemy!!!

It is an emotion of satan,

not of God!

And it occurs to me that

even if this test doesn't turn out the way I hope,

the real test is in my ability to overcome the fear.

To trust in my God to know what is best for me!

So, off I go,

to take the test over the remaining

three days I have to get it

completed and submitted.

I care if I pass or not,
but this test is not the important one!

It is vital that I honor my God

and pass this little trust test!

May He find me at the top of my class!