Sometimes it scares me...

Sometimes it scares me

loving him like I do.

 

I knew I loved him almost immediately

and as my love grew and deepened

I knew we would become one

as God intends in marriage.

And sometimes that scares me.

 

Two shall become one

 

I didn't really understand that

until after my Al's death.

I understood and enjoyed

our bodies becoming one

through physical intimacy,

but I did not understand

or even recognize

the becoming one of our souls

until I died when he did.

I have never been revived.

I am, quite simply,

a different person now,

reborn over time.

So I knew that

should I choose to remarry

there would be a physical

AND

a soul "oneness" taking place.

And there has been.

 

But can I be honest?

My Al and I were one.

My Lanny Love and his Judy were one.

I thought that would make it different,

that they would always be there,

between us,

as a buffer against true oneness.

I felt both sad and relieved

by that assumed knowledge.

But I was wrong.

 

In spousal death,

perhaps in all deaths of a loved one

to some degree,

but especially in a spousal death

where by God's decree

the two have become one,

when one of them physically dies

both of their souls die.

And both live on.

One's body is in decay

and their soul in the eternal realm spiritually,

while the other still inhabiting a physical body,

is earth bound and changed by its own death and rebirth -

almost to the degree salvation changes it. 

 

(I am fascinated by the biblical comparison 

between the marriage relationship

and our relationship with God.

This is one of those times I clearly see it.)

 

And yet, that oneness remains

in its completed state

in the earthbound, reborn soul.

I am in completed "oneness"

with my Al.

He is still part of the "me" that has become

since his physical death.

My Lanny Love is in completed "oneness"

with his Judy.

She is still part of the "him" that has become

since her physical death.

And so, rather than buffering our "oneness",

rather than making it more shallow,

they are "one" with us

actually deepening the precious, cherished, priceless

"oneness" that we shared with them

and now with one another.

 

And that is amazingly wonderful!!!

And sometimes, it's exceedingly scary...