Changes

The “coming soon” sign goes up today.

In just under three weeks, the “coming soon” comes off

and it will be “live”.

 

It has been a decision more than a year in the making.

It has involved a lot of conversations.

With each other, with our children, with our God.

Weighing the pros and cons.

Should we or shouldn’t we.

About six months ago, it began being clear –

we should.

It’s time.

 

Our reasons for purchasing this particular house were varied.

First, we loved it!

Nearly 100 years old, in a charming historic neighborhood,

it was everything but one that we both wanted,

felt we needed for that point in our lives

and for the rest of our lives.

We still love it!

But some of the other reasons for purchasing this home have changed.

 

And so, we made the decision to sell.

 

Now, I have lived a life of flux.

We moved a lot when I was a child.

Not just houses,

different cities, different states.

When my Al and I were first married,

we were gypsies.

I adapted, because you just do,

but I always longed for a forever home.

In 1994, we moved to Parker Street.

We lived and loved there for nearly 20 years.

I was “home” at last.

 

Then the diagnosis.

The move to Short Oaks nearer our children.

Six months sharing that space.

Then widowhood.

 

I have had a difficult, difficult time with change

since that “D” day.

I need time now.

Time to work through the “terrified” emotions.

Time to work through the grief of another loss.

 

I had no doubt.

Selling was right.

But, the grief was profound!

Our beautiful home,

the place I thought I would only leave feet first,

the “pushing it down with all my might” fear

that God was once again preparing me for a life alone.

How I struggled!!!

For months!

 

Then very early one April morning,

after a very long night of struggle and tears and prayer

God spoke.

I want to share with you an excerpt from my prayer journal on that amazing morning.

 

Oh God!

 

Thank you for revealing yourself to me!

I have so struggled with the thought of leaving this beautiful, big house.

But tonight you have shown me.

 

This home was a gift from You!

A place where Lanny and I could become one,

grow in our love outside of rooms that were steeped in shadows of the past,

yet big enough to allow us to meld our lives together 

with a minimum of sacrificial loss.

A place large enough to give our children time to learn that

we did not want to erase their lost parent from each other’s lives.

A place large enough that we could serve You and Your people well within its walls.

A place that You knew would secure our financial future in an unexpected way.

 

I have wondered why two sales on my house have fallen through.

But you have used that house to launch my grandsons into adulthood safely.

You provided us with a place of business.

You provided a transitional home for my daughter and her family

between the sale of her house and the purchase of another.

And now that house will open doors to allow our travel dreams to be realized

and open new and exciting avenues of ministry.

 

This move is not a loss!

Rather it is continued moving in Your plan for us!

 

You did not have to reveal this much ~

thank You that You did!

 

There is more from that night of revelation that I may share another time,

but for this moment,

I am still in awe of His goodness and mercy and grace!

He did not have to reveal Himself to me,

did not have to reveal why our time here was finished.

Yet He did.

Because I, His child,

His precious, beloved, cherished child,

I was struggling.

And He wanted to teach me ~

yet again ~

He wanted to teach me that His ways are perfect!

His plan is where I walk each moment.

 

He does not always reveal Himself so clearly as He did that long night.

Sometimes I never know the why’s ~

and the excerpt I have shared with you 

may not seem like a lot of revealing,

but the parts too intimate to share 

with anyone but God and my Lanny Love

speak very deeply to my heart ~

sometimes I never know because sometimes,

it is not for me to know ~

 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. . . .

As the heavens are higher than the earth,

 so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

~~  Isaiah 55:9

 

And sometimes, I wouldn’t understand or believe it even if He told me ~

 

“Watch and be amazed and shocked

 I will do something in your lifetime

that you won’t believe even when you are told about it.”

~~ Habakkuk 1:5

 

How I love Him!

How I praise Him for who and what He is!

How I delight in Him!

May I never fail to give Him my all,

to trust Him absolutely!