Riding the wave...

I didn't know.

On October 2 when I posted about her trust in us,

I didn't know.

On October 8 when I posted about grief,

I didn't know that within literal seconds

of posting my thoughts,

we would learn that our little Mitzi would not survived her surgery

to remove something she had eaten and could not pass.

She had been sick a lot the last few months.

But nothing showed in x-rays or bloodwork.

Just old age creeping in.

I can relate...

But when they opened her up,

She was very diseased.

They closed her without any further procedure and called us.

Did we want them to wake her so we could say goodbye

or just let her go to sleep without waking.

Those were our only two choices.

It has been more than a week now.

Old habits die hard.

I still look for her little nose in the fence

and her wagging tail when I pull in the driveway.

I still look for her to come running when I open the freezer

because she loved to chew on ice.

I still look to see where she is when I come down the stairs

because that was one of her favorite sleeping spots.

Her bed is still in the front window,

and in our bedroom.

I miss her.

I am grieving this little fluffy ball of cotton love.

But my Lanny Love....

Mitzi was a surprise.

His Judy had called to see if he thought their daughter would like another dog.

He suggested calling her.

"What about us?"

"No more dogs!"

When he came home from work, there they were,

Macy (for Aleisha) and Mitzi for them.

This is one of my favorite Judy stories!

It makes me laugh to hear him tell it.

I think he simply misunderstood.

Judy wasn't asking what he thought,

she was letting him know what she was going to do.

I can relate....

Not very long later,

they would realize what a great blessing God had given in little Mitzi.

A faithful and loving companion to them both,

she would be a ray of sunshine to Judy as she battled cancer

and, in the days after, great comfort to Lanny as he grieved.

It is unfortunate that her death occurred just when it did,

the week of the onset of Judy's illness, her surgery, and the dread diagnosis.

It would have been hard regardless,

saying goodbye to a beloved pet.

But losing Mitzi was losing another bit of Judy.

And the timing was unfortunate.

My Lanny Love is riding a grief wave.

You see, when you lose your life partner,

you don't lose them all at once.

You lose them bit by bit over many years

in a million different ways.

And every time it is painful.

But God!

As much as Mitzi comforted,

the Holy Spirit so much more!

And, blessedly, we do not remain in constant, debilitating grief permanently!

There is loss to be sure.

There are times of anguished grief - 

for the rest of our lives I think -

but there is living, 

there is happiness, 

there is contentment, 

there is joy!

If you are reading this and in painful grief,

whether it is fresh new grief,

or a fresh new wave,

hang on!

Ride the wave!

When it pulls you under, hold your breath!

Grieve, because grief is natural,

it is part of love and loss.

But hang on!

The wave will flatten and 

you will float,

or sun on the beach,

or rest in the shade,

and life will be good again!

And when the next wave comes,

for it will come,

you'll know!

You will survive and life will be wonderful again!

Because you survived this one!

In prayerful understanding,

Gina