Love and grief and prayer

There is a sacredness in love and grief.

One begets the other.

In life and in death.

And one does not end the other.

When I began this blog,

I was in my first year of widowhood.

My grief was so accute!

Far deeper that I could have imagined.

I was trying desperately to make it stop!

I don't do that anymore.

Grief is a privilege.

It is the ebb and flow of the ocean,

the tornado that rips you apart

and the gentle breeze that lifts your hair

and cools your brow.

It opens doors to delightful memories

and unspeakable sorrow.

It changes.

But it is always there.

The Al hole in my heart will never go away.

I am privileged to have that hole

for it means I have love!

One day I will double this privilege,

or my Lanny Love will,

for we have been blessed with another great love,

but for now,

new love and old love,

joy and grief,

coexist.

And will for as long as we both live.

Eight years ago my life was in flux.

I was still "we"

but wouldn't be for long.

We were in Phoenix.

A last ditch effort following release to Hospice

by our cancer treatment center.

We were living as much as possible.

Weekdays belonged to Cancer Treatment Centers

but weekends were ours.

And we did as much as Al could tolerate.

So, on this day, eight years ago,

We made our last "fun" trip.

Al had always wanted to see the Grand Canyon.

So we drove the hundred or so miles to see it.

So many prayers were lifted on our behalf in those days,

and on my behalf in the overwhelming grief days to come.

The last and next few weeks are filled with memories.....

Nine years ago this past Sunday,

I prayed for my Lanny Love for the first time.

I didn't know him, had never met him.

I didn't pray for him by name.

But we had a mutual friend.

She asked me to pray for Judy who had had a seizure.

The news was not good

and I lifted Judy and her family in prayer that day

and for many days to come.

I did not know when the loss came for them,

I was mired in my own loss by then,

but others had taken up the banner

and stormed Heaven for the grief 

that claimed the hearts of those I have come to love so deeply.

The last and next few weeks are filled with memories for my Lanny Love.....

Recently, I made a comment to a friend

that something reminded me of Al.

She said she was sorry I was thinking of him.

I replied that I wasn't sorry at all,

that I like thinking of him!

I didn't "like" that particular memory,

but him...yes, I like thinking of and talking about him!

In our home, we are not a single couple.

We are three couples.

And we co-exist in loving relationship with one another.

I didn't know Judy.

Lanny didn't know Al.

But we have come to love and respect

them through one another.

Grief changes, but it is always there.

Great love does not die

and grief is the price.

But there is life left to live!

And God has richly blessed us both!

My Lanny Love is a great gift to me!

I am a great gift to him!

We are privileged that God has granted us another great love.

And I believe that without the prayers of the faithful,

we would not be here!

I believe that the prayers of our friends and families,

those of the people who did not know us,

but know God very well,

brought us out of the "deep mirey clay"

and set our feet on "solid rock".

During the times we could not carry ourselves to the Throne of Grace,

others carried us!

Prayer is a privilege!

It is the MOST you can do for anyone!

Other things are icing on the cake!

Please pray for your people -

and for others' people even if you don't know them!

Thank you to those of you who prayed for me!

Thank you to those of you who prayed for my Lanny Love!

YOU are part of our joy and love and happiness!

Thank you!!!

And thank you for your prayers today.

Today, our hearts are lonely......

"I will praise You, Lord, because you rescued me...

Lord, my God, I prayed to You, and You healed me...

When I felt safe, I said, 'I will never fear.'

Lord, in Your kindness, You made my mountain safe...

You changed my sorrow into dancing.

You took away my clothes of sadness, and clothed me in happiness.

I will sing to You and not be silent,

Lord, my God, I will praise You forever."

~~ Psalm 30:1-2, 6-7, 11-12 NCV

God is so good! So merciful! Thank You, Lord God!