I want to go home

Our air conditioning is out.
In our neck of the woods,
the temperatures are triple digit at this time of year.
No AC is not a good thing!

But we are very blessed!

We have options
other than simply being hot
for the two weeks it will take
for the part to arrive.
We have the "Country Estate",
the house I owned and lived in
before my Lanny Love and I married.
It has been rental property for a couple years.
Now, it is our business office.
An air mattress,
(surprisingly comfy!)
and a few things brought out,
and it's a cozy, temporary home away from home.

We are very blessed!

But I want to go home.
I have been increasingly unsettled
during the last several days.
Feelings of sadness and depression
have been creeping in.
The memories are all around me.
When I go to sleep,
they are there.
When I waken,
they are there.
Throughout the day,
they are there.
They invade my dreams.

Memories of illness and death.
Loss and sorrow.
Great loneliness.
Shame and guilt.
Confusion.
Betrayal.
Fearful memories -
and fears over the unknown ahead.

Tonight, I am taking these memories and fears out
and giving them a thorough examination
in the light of God's mercy and grace.
And I'm remembering some other memories
in the process.
Precious last days together.
Growing in faith and trust in God.
Learning who I was, not "we".
Falling in love.
Beautiful sunrises and sunsets.
Long, healing walks.
Good, wonderful memories!

I am very blessed!

Isn't that the way?
Everything has two sides,
every cloud a silver lining!
And God has used this house
to remind me,
once again,
that He is in control!
That His timing is impeccable!
That He is trustworthy and good!
That He has blessed me tremendously!

I am very blessed!

I have God!
I have my Lanny Love!
I don't want to go home!
For where they are,
I am home!

I am very blessed!

God is our protection and our strength.

He always helps i times of trouble.

So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes,

or the mountains fall into the sea,

even if the oceans roar and foam,

or the mountains shake at the raging sea...

Come and see what the Lord has done,

the amazing things He has done...

God says, "Be quiet and know that I am God."

                      ~~ Psalm 46:1-3, 8, 10 (NCV)