Second

It is unfortunate.
There is a lot of similarity
In the names

Gina

and

Judy.

And it is unfortunate.

I'll be honest with you.
There are advantages to seconds.
The first child is born.
We learn to parent.
The second child is born.
We are still learning,
but we start off a better parent
than we started with the first.
It's the nature of things.
We learn as we go.

It's the same with marriages.
We learn in that first love.
And in grief, we learn some more.
And if God so blesses us with a

Chapter Two

as He has blessed my Lanny Love and me,
we are better spouses
because of the lessons learned before.
But one of the disadvantages
of having more than one child
is name confusion.
You know,

Richar-Mar-Rhond-GINA!

And it's the same with marriages.

It's bound to happen.

It is not one of the advantages of being second in marriage.

The first time it happened between my Lanny Love and I

was at dinner at my place one night
a few months after we started dating.

He called me Judy.

He blushed!

Stammered an apology.

I said,

"It's okay. It was bound to happen."

Then I laughed and said,

"I'm just glad you did it first!"

A short time later,

I called him Al.

I have done it twice more

that I am aware of.
After our marriage,
I sometimes used my former last name.
It has been quite some time
since either of those things has happened.
As far as I know,
none of my friends have ever
mixed my husbands' names.

But the similarities between my name and Judy's,

makes it happen relatively often with me.

And not just with my Lanny Love.

Other people who knew Judy

frequently get the name wrong,

usually together with my Lanny Love.

You know,

"Lanny and Judy are here.

Oh!

Gina!

Lanny and Gina are here!"

Recently a friend commented to my Lanny Love

how gracious I am when that happens.

But can I tell you something?

Sometimes, I may be gracious

but I don't feel gracious.

I feel like saying,

Gina!

My name is Gina!

G. I. N. A.

Gina!

Today was such a day.

Perhaps because this incident was a written faux pas.

Perhaps because we've been a couple for more than two years now.

Perhaps because we've been married for 15 months.
Perhaps because it has happened several times recently.

Perhaps because I'm just coming out of my winter depression.

Perhaps because this has been a week of spiritual revelation and growth

and satan always attacks at such times.

Perhaps all of the above.
Perhaps none of the above.

I don't know.

I just know that today,

it was not an eye-roller.

Today,

it was more than irritation.

Today,

it was more than a sting.

Today,

it really hurt my feelings.

And it made me feel not just second,

but second best.

And that is something within myself

that I am working with the Lord

to correct,

feeling second best.

Or third.

Or last.

If you read my last post,

you know what I am talking about.

And so, today,

I am being put to the test.

I am learning again that I am a gift.

I am not second best.

In this case, I am second to be sure.

I am different, most certainly.

But I am not second best,

less than.

Do you ever want to just say,

"I'm tired of growing!

I'm tired of learning!

Can I just have a break and be for a minute?"

Today,

I'd just like to be for a minute.