I will never be loved like that again.
It's true.
And, as that realization has come to me
over the last several months,
it made me sad.
I have come to realize that my grief
is not only over the loss of the one I love,
it is because of the loss of the one who loved me.
I had just turned 14,
Al was nearly 16,
when we became "us".
And we loved each other with that
passionate abandon that is only available in youth.
Before life interferes.
Before you become a grown up.
And our love grew as we did.
We were children,
growing up together,
learning about life together,
learning about love together.
We truly became one
because we had not yet become individuals.
That can never happen again.
And so, I will never again be loved like that.
Lanny will never be loved like Judy loved him again!
And he will never again love like he loved her.
They, like Al and I, dated for five years.
They spent 32 years as husband and wife.
They had children together.
They grew together physically, emotionally, spiritually.
They each formed who the other was.
They became one person.
I had already started this post in my love series
when one of my online widows' groups opened this very discussion.
Funny how that happens.
This particular group is women
who have begun thinking about dating,
are dating,
are engaged,
or have remarried.
We have moved past that initial grief where the mere thought
of another man is offensive,
and realized that we do not want to be alone for the rest of our lives.
Following are some thoughts from some of these women
(used with permission, all names (except mine) and some situational details deleted for privacy):
The original post that started the conversation:
They don't understand that we have not stopped loving!
We have not forgotten!
Two years, seven months, six days later,
it is always still there.
Always at the edge.
Always coloring every part of my life.
He is gone.
When Al died,
when he was laid in the ground,
the Gina that was died,
was buried along with him.
When Judy died,
when she was laid in the ground,
the Lanny that was died,
was buried along with her.
It is the way it is with deep love!
We will never be loved like that again.
We will never love another like that again.
But we are not the same people now!
Every aspect of life,
our very essence,
has changed.
Because that's the way it is when you die and are reborn.
Much as when we die to sin and are reborn in Christ.
Changed.
Different.
Forever altered.
And, just like Christ's love for us,
love is limitless!
It does not end when more comes in!
The heart just expands and grows,
embracing, relishing the new addition!
Not instead of!
In addition to!
Agape love!
Eros Love!
Being loved - and loving.
It is a wonderful, blessed gift from God!
It's true.
And, as that realization has come to me
over the last several months,
it made me sad.
I have come to realize that my grief
is not only over the loss of the one I love,
it is because of the loss of the one who loved me.
I had just turned 14,
Al was nearly 16,
when we became "us".
And we loved each other with that
passionate abandon that is only available in youth.
Before life interferes.
Before you become a grown up.
And our love grew as we did.
We were children,
growing up together,
learning about life together,
learning about love together.
We truly became one
because we had not yet become individuals.
That can never happen again.
And so, I will never again be loved like that.
Lanny will never be loved like Judy loved him again!
And he will never again love like he loved her.
They, like Al and I, dated for five years.
They spent 32 years as husband and wife.
They had children together.
They grew together physically, emotionally, spiritually.
They each formed who the other was.
They became one person.
I had already started this post in my love series
when one of my online widows' groups opened this very discussion.
Funny how that happens.
This particular group is women
who have begun thinking about dating,
are dating,
are engaged,
or have remarried.
We have moved past that initial grief where the mere thought
of another man is offensive,
and realized that we do not want to be alone for the rest of our lives.
Following are some thoughts from some of these women
(used with permission, all names (except mine) and some situational details deleted for privacy):
The original post that started the conversation:
Sitting in [a local restaurant], sipping on a half coffee half french vanilla, and reading your posts and thinking about losing someone we loved. About how that flips our worlds upside down, and to some extent that event and the ensuing changes create a level of insecurity even years later, even if we have remarried. We often say its because we lost someone we loved. But as I think about it, that's not really it at all. It's because we lost someone that loved us. Our pain, our scars, are proportional to the depth of love the other person gave us (along with our ability/willingness to receive). It makes me think about agape love. And how well do I love? It's a sobering thought, and has impact in every aspect of my relational world.The ensuing conversation:
Those on the outside of grief don't get it.
That has been a real challenge to really believe and trust God to be and do that in my life! But God also brings others into our lives that can believe in us. :-)
I miss how much Al loved me! We were children, barely 14 and 15 when we started "dating" and never dated anyone else. We grew up together, with that passion of youth that has no reserve or hesitation. Adulthood hadn't yet gotten in the way when we fell in love. I will never have that again. And I do find myself grieving that. Lanny adores me and I him, but we are not likely to live long enough to ever spend the amount of time together that we did with Judy and Al so that depth that comes from time will never be equaled for either of us. The flip side of that? The passion and excitement of those first few years of marriage is likely to be our existence. So while we have lost something precious, we have also gained something precious!
As [Second Husband] says we are still learning our rolls as it is different...
They don't understand that we have not stopped loving!
We have not forgotten!
Two years, seven months, six days later,
it is always still there.
Always at the edge.
Always coloring every part of my life.
He is gone.
When Al died,
when he was laid in the ground,
the Gina that was died,
was buried along with him.
When Judy died,
when she was laid in the ground,
the Lanny that was died,
was buried along with her.
It is the way it is with deep love!
We will never be loved like that again.
We will never love another like that again.
But we are not the same people now!
Every aspect of life,
our very essence,
has changed.
Because that's the way it is when you die and are reborn.
Much as when we die to sin and are reborn in Christ.
Changed.
Different.
Forever altered.
And, just like Christ's love for us,
love is limitless!
It does not end when more comes in!
The heart just expands and grows,
embracing, relishing the new addition!
Not instead of!
In addition to!
Agape love!
Eros Love!
Being loved - and loving.
It is a wonderful, blessed gift from God!
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