Life just hasn't turned out the way I planned, wanted, expected! I did not expect to be a widow at 55. I expected that, at this point in time, my husband and I would be looking forward to retirement in a couple more years. Grandkids, travel, fun. That didn't happen. I did not expect to find love in the midst of my broken-hearted grief. I was still grieving my sweet husband, but LIFE came along and swept me up and I was happy again! We were so in love, got engaged. I expected that he and I would live out our lives together, loving, being grateful for a second chance (he was also widowed). Then the irreconcilable difference and our relationship ended. And a new sorrow to add to the old one. So today, I am feeling sorry for myself.
And that's okay. Everyone is entitled to feel sorry for themselves from time-to-time. The problem comes when one allows it to take over. When every day is a pity party. Every moment is the focus of loss and sorrow. I know people who do that. Well, not me buddy!!!
But you know what? I DON'T LIKE WORMS!!!!!!
What do I want with a stinkin' worm??? Or a bug??? Or any other big, fat, juicy yuck??? I have rainbows and unicorns and pots of gold!!! My life is full!!!
Last night, my granddaughter spent the night. We went to the park, swinging, playing tag (I can outrun a 5-year old despite how it may have looked yesterday. Okay, I can't.), feeding the ducks. Then we went to Braum's and had ice cream. Then we came home and we watched Clifford the Big Red Dog. Then during prayers - she is very detailed and long winded - she thanked God for a fun day going to the park and spending the night with Grammie. Then she said, and I quote, "...I love grammie. And I looove grammie, and I love her! And I actually love her!" And I got it on video! That's better than any old worm!
And today my daughter has called to check up on me a couple times because she knew I was having a hard day.
And my grandson greeted me at church this morning with a big hug and a long conversation about his spiritual growth at camp this last week.
And my kitty adores me!
And I have a lovely home!
And good friends!
Do these things replace my lost loves? Do they fix my broken heart? No. They don't. But do I have MUCH for which to be thankful? Oh my, yes!!! So, this evening, I choose to focus on the rainbows and unicorns and pots of gold in my life and thank God for not making me eat a worm!!!
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