Quiet Noise

My house is very quiet. It is a lot lately. I rarely turn on the TV and when I do, I usually turn it off again quickly, rarely watching anything, even half hour shows, all the way through. I used to have music playing all the time, but I really don't even do that much lately. 

This afternoon, I sat down in "his" chair because I wanted to "touch" him for a moment. I originally was going to turn on the TV, but didn't. I just didn't feel like the noise. And it made me wonder why all at once the things that used to keep the house from being too quiet have become just clanging noise.

Because even in the noise, the house is too quiet. 

Strangely, rather than making the house less quiet, it almost makes it more quiet. It's unsettling. It doesn't make me feel any better. Because it is, after all, just noise. It is not companionship. It is not the voice I long for. It is not the text or ring tone that I crave. It is not the touch for which my body aches. It does not fill up the ginormous hole in my heart. It just jangles my senses.

And you know what? I've discovered quiet is a good thing! In the extreme quiet and stillness that God has asked of me in the last few weeks, I have been able to hear His voice. I have prayed, I have read His Word, but I have done a lot of literal still listening. Sitting in a chair. Being quiet. Being still. His Word and my prayer journal in my lap.

Read

Listen

Prayer Journal

Listen

Read

Listen

Prayer Journal

Listen

Stillness. Physical stillness. Spiritual stillness. Emotional stillness.

God is so smart!

Oh, don't get me wrong. My life isn't "fixed". I'm still a widow. My former fiance is still no longer a part of my life. I'm still alone and lonely. I still miss them, wish they were here. I am still in love with two men. I still can't have either of them. I still grieve.

But GOD is speaking! And I'm hearing Him!!! All the noise, all the frenzied searching, all the crying out, all the travel, all the distractions I tried to place in my life to help me "get over" my sorrows kept me from healing! When it comes right down to it, all those things were just more noise.

Sometimes noise is just that. Noise.

I wait quietly before God,

For my salvation comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress where I will never be shaken...

...I wait quietly before God,

for my hope is in him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress where I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor come from God alone.

He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.

O my people, trust in Him at all times.

Pour out your heart to Him,

for God is our refuge.

~~Psalm 62:1-2, 5-8