July 3

It's July 3.

Again.

Going steady day.

 

It's funny the things our minds and hearts remember...

and the things they forget............

 

I don't feel sad today.

Today, I remember with gratitude

those two teenagers who decided

we were "the one" for each other.

Though, I'm pretty sure I decided he was "the one" forever

and he decided I was for the summer.

But it turned out I was closer to right than he was.

 

Forever.

I would have been more accurate deciding

"his and only his through completeness."

 

I remember when God revealed "complete" to me.

I had realized that my Al was right,

that I would, in fact, need and want to remarry.

I liked being a wife and I did NOT like being single.

But, oh my goodness, I felt guilty!

Despite the fact that he had told me he not only

thought I would remarry, that I needed to remarry,

that I would want to remarry,

he said that he expected me to do so.

He said "expected" in that parental tone of voice

that brooks no argument 

and gave me a time-line in which he thought it should be accomplished.

Despite that, I felt like I was cheating.

 

There is that time in widowhood,

and I never really got past it until I actually did remarry -

and even then for a little while... - 

when you no longer feel married,

but you also don't feel single. 

I was there that day.

I feel sure I have shared this before,

but just in case...

 

As I was praying about my future one day,

as I was praying about how guilty I felt

for pursuing remarriage,

The Holy Spirit, in a voice so clear it was almost-but-not-quite audible,

explained to me that my love with Al was complete.

It was not dead, nor would it ever be (and, of course, it isn't),

but it was complete.

I had kept my word "until death us do part"

and completed my contract with my Al and God

to be his and only his "as long as we both shall live".

I was free to move forward.

I was able to do so much more comfortably from that point forward.

 

Still, I love him

and celebrate the life we shared,

including this special day that we always celebrated,

that July 3, 1971 when he asked me to "go steady"

and wrapped that little leather strap with the three little beads

around my neck.

I did not remove that little choker for nearly five years

until the day we married.

I still have it. 

 

I don't often indulge in romantic memories of my Al,

to me, as a woman now married to another man,

it doesn't feel appropriate.

So, though I choose not to examine the details of that July afternoon,

I remember the day,

    I remember the commitment,

        I remember the man. 

 

Happy "going steady" day, Alfie.