January...

I suppose it's the coward's way out.

Or lack of self control.

Or both.

Maybe it's simple wisdom.

Doesn't matter,

I've chosen, as I have for the last several years,

to stay off Facebook for the month of January,

the twelfth one since D-day, May 25, 2012.

 

It's kind of like a terrible car accident

one comes upon while driving along the road on an ordinary day.

You don't want to look,

you want to keep your eyes straight ahead,

focused solely on the road.

You know it's the wise thing,

the safe thing to do.

But still, you look, and in vivid, gory detail,

you see the bloody carnage.

 

Facebook January memories are a car wreck for me.

With my Al's diagnosis,

I opened a CaringBridge site so that I could maintain a 

"life outside cancer"

while still keeping distant friends and family informed.

But beginning the last week of December,

there were a lot of FB posts as his days dwindled.

It's not that I don't remember anyway,

I do.

But like the car wreck,

it's easier on my heart and emotions

not to see the bloody carnage.

Flip to a few years later.

It was this day, January 1, 2014,

one year, 11 months, four days after his death,

that I made the decision.

It had been a few weeks in the making.

A LOT of "Are You SURE it's time???"

had gone into my prayers.

It was time.

It had become crystal clear the night before -

a story for another time.

No more doubt.

So I did it.

I started the extensive eHarmony profile.

It took me several days

and before I hit "send" when it was completed,

I prayed one more time.

Around that same time, across town,

a lonely widower was doing the same thing.

A few weeks later, we sat across from one another

in my "first date" restaurant and closed the place down.

While January wasn't when we met,

it was when we each continued 

walking toward God's plan for us in one another.

And January's blackness began to lighten.

I was thinking about that this morning as I typed my 

"Happy New Year, see you in February" 

announcement on my page.

It hadn't hit me before.

January has been redeemed!

 

While I absolutely do remember and think of the extreme sadness

of those lonely, losing him, January days,

I also think of the steps toward my Lanny Love that eHarmony January.

I even giggle and laugh at the memories of

some of the other email exchanges,

some of the other dates that occurred.

Sometimes I shake my head.

I think of the Colorado lady from whom I stole my Lanny Love

(though really, how much stealing was there 

if he was still shopping and hadn't yet checked out...)

and hope she found her Prince Charming.

All this to say,

sometimes we don't recognize it, do we,

God's redemption.

Sometimes never, I suppose.

But if we look for Him,

if we seek His working,

if we are obedient to Him and His direction,

it is there whether we see it or not.

This is the 10th January since the redemption

and I just now saw it.

May 2024 be a redeeming year for each of you

and may you see His Hand of redemption in your lives!

Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

                                ~~ Psalm 40:5 ~~