His mercies are new every morning...

As I begin this post,

our home is still and quiet,

the sky outside just beginning to show pale gray light.

The dog has had his morning romp

and is sleeping by the fireplace.

The kitties are snuggled on our bed with my Lanny Love.

I have spent an hour and half sitting in my cozy chair,

Bible, journal and book at the ready.

It has become one of my favorite times of day.

 

I am not a morning person.

I never have been.

If I didn't have to be up early,

I wasn't!

I used to sleep until late morning or early afternoon

on Saturdays and vacation days!

And even when I had to be up at O'dark-thirty for work,

I wasn't really awake until about 10am,

always scheduling rote tasks early

and brain tasks for mid-morning and later.

That part is similar still 

so the first part of my early mornings

always consist of time wasters like social media

until my brain both settles and wakes up.

So despite the fact that I am usually awake

sometime between 4:30am and 5:30am, 

I am still not a morning person.

 

I have occasionally wondered what changed.

Why, when I no longer have to be at work early,

do I wake and rise so early?

It always comes back to the same event:

becoming a widow.

A lot of things changed permanently with that one event.

 

Now, one wouldn't think there would be positives in widowhood

when one has been happily married.

But I'm a silver lining girl.

And I looked for those things in the early days.

Because not seeing the silver linings

didn't change a single thing.

I was still widowed if I didn't see them.

 

Once I got through that initial shocking, confusing, anguish,

I began, with the Holy Spirit's help,

looking for those bits of silver shining behind the dark, ominous clouds.

I remember one of the early silver lining realizations

was that I could pick up and and go whenever I wanted.

I love to travel, my Al did not

so while those trips were not pleasure trips

but rather grief-escape attempts,

still, I could simply decide on my own to go somewhere

and do it.

Small reward, it seemed, for an unwanted state,

but a silver lining nonetheless so I embraced it.

I learned to look for those things and,

after a while,

I didn't have to look so hard.

I simply saw and appreciated them.

I still do.

 

There has been a lot of permanent silver since my widowhood.

The silver I most embrace and nurture is relationship,

specifically, my relationship with God

and my relationship with my Lanny Love.

 

I am different now.

I must honestly say

I didn't appreciate what I had in my marriage to Al.

Or probably any of my relationships, truth be told.

But now I know more fully...

 

Life is fragile!

 

Those irritations and inconveniences are minor!

They should be counted as joyous opportunities

to serve one's people and grow love!

 

I am a better wife to my Lanny Love

than I was to my Al.

That makes me sad.

And glad.

 

It is my habit when I wake in the mornings

to lie in bed for a half hour

until I can have coffee

(I take a pill that requires the wait...)

During that time,

I love snuggling up against my Lanny Love,

    feeling his warmth,

        hearing his heart beat,

            listening to his deep, steady breaths,

                thanking my God for His unending mercy,

                    His greatest gift but salvation.

                        My Lanny Love.

 

 

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

                                ~~ Lamentations 3: 22-23 ~~