The new rule

I have always considered myself to be an impulsive person.
And in some respects I am.
I tend to make decisions very quickly and emotionally.
For example,
I have been known to travel at the drop of a hat.
Or when we purchased our home,
I knew immediately it was the one.
Or when I fell in love with my Lanny Love,
there was no pondering and thinking about it,
I knew I wanted to marry him.
And I am always up for an adventure
of most any kind!

However,
despite the fact that I tend to make major decisions impulsively,
once the decision is made,
an act of Congress can't change my mind.
I am realizing that I am anything but impulsive
in my daily life,
rather, I am extremely routine oriented and...

RIGID.

For example,
we have had a house guest this week.
Normally, I rise,
have my coffee and read my Bible -
from my rocking chair in the front window -
take my shower,
dress,
put my moisturizer on my face,
make the bed while the moisturizer absorbs,
put on my make-up,
do my hair.

This morning,
it was necessary to wait for my shower a bit
so I made the bed while I waited.
When I applied my moisturizer,
I didn't know what to do!
Literally!
So while I waited,
I thought about other ways in which
I am routine oriented.

1. Lanny and I sit in our chairs in the front window
to have our coffee and read our Bibles in the morning.
Sometimes the sun makes it uncomfortably warm
so we move to the den.
It bothers me.

2. Lanny sits at the head of the table,

I sit to his left.

Always.

A while back,

our grandson wanted to seat everyone

at a family dinner

and when he came to me,

I said, "Here"

indicating my chair.

He sat me there.

(It was this incident that spurred this line of thinking)

3. Every day, 

I read five Psalms 

(that gets me through the book once each month)

and one Proverb 

(same thing)

in addition to what I am reading in my 

"through the Bible in a year" plan

(I spend much more time than a year doing this,

but it gives me a "plan")

and whatever devotional I am using at the time.

4. Coffee and Smart Mix as soon as I get up,

breakfast at 10:00,

lunch at 1:00,

Dinner at 6:00.

(In my defense, 

scheduled eating is important for a diabetic, 

particularly one who is diet controlled.)

5. I count things.........

There's more,

but you get the idea.

I have found myself wondering recently

if I have always been this rigid,

or if it is one of the personality changes

that came with widowhood.

I think it is a combination -

I have always been more routine and detail oriented -

it's what made me an excellent secretary/paralegal -
and I have always mostly been a rule follower.

But I have not always been so rigid.

There is a difference!

Being routine and detail oriented is fine.

Even impulsiveness is okay in some things.

Being rigid is not okay or fine!

Webster sees the difference as follows:

Definition of routine

1. 1a :  a regular course of procedure if resort to legal action becomes a campus routine — J. A. Perkinsb :  habitual or mechanical performance of an established procedure the routine of factory work
   
   
    
   In other words,
   a usual way of doing things.
   
   
   
   
   
   

Definition of impulsive

1. having the power of or actually driving or impelling
2. a :  arising from an impulse an impulsive decisionb :  b: prone to act on impulse an impulsive young man

 

In other words, 

not really thinking things through, 

making a thoroughly informed decision.

Definition of rigid

1. a :  deficient in or devoid of flexibility rigid price controls a rigid bar of metalb :  b: appearing stiff and unyielding his face rigid with pain
2. a :  inflexibly set in opinionb :  b: strictly observed adheres to a rigid schedule
3. firmly inflexible rather than lax or indulgent a rigid disciplinarian
4. precise and accurate in procedure rigid control of the manufacturing process 

 In other words,

hard-nosed,

controlling,

setting up and following rules all the time,

sticking to the plan - no matter what.

I think it is just as bad as it sounds.

I am not unpleasant in my rigidity.
I don't pitch a fit
or criticize,
but it eats at me.
And it's a joy/fun thief -
theft not only of myself,
but others.
(Thinking of that grandson incident...)

I can be flexible.
With proper notice.
Time to wrap my head around the change.
But that's not being flexible after all.
It is still wielding control.

When we travel,
I know things won't always go as planned.
And I often say with enthusiasm,
"It's part of the adventure!" -

and I mean it! -

and just go with the flow.
I think that I am able to do that then
because I am outside of "normal" anyway.

I had a boss and dear friend
whose daughter had problems with change.
She began telling her toddler,

"It's not bad, it's just different and different is okay." 

I'm not sure,

but I think it likely that

that now middle-age adult

still tells herself that.

So, from here on out,
my new mantra for everyday life will be

"It's part of the adventure!"

and

"It's not bad, it's just different and different is okay."

It's my new rule.

I know...............