Crazy trust

It drives me crazy,
the wondering.
An event in my life.
One where I know how it turned out,
but not why.
And not if I was right.

I go 

back 

and forth,

back 

and forth,

back 

and forth.

It drives me crazy!

It doesn't really matter.
I tell myself that.
And I'm right.
It doesn't.

But still I wonder.

You see, one way, I was simply a foolish woman.
The other way, I was foolish and wrong.
And there is no way to really know which it is.
It bothers me.
A lot.
And satan just loves that!

He is the author of confusion,

self-doubt,

crazy.

When this issue comes to mind,

it gives him great pleasure.

And for a long time,

I have been unable to figure out how to stop it.

Yesterday it came to me.

I can't!

Only God can!

But . . . 

Here's the thing . . . 

I have to let Him!

You see,

unlike satan,

God is a gentleman!

I have asked for clarity.

He said "No".

He said I don't need to know.

He said I can't be in control of everything.

Or anything.

He said I have to trust Him.

Or satan.

The choice is mine. 

He won't force me to have peace in this!

I can trust Him and trust that He alone knows the 

"why" and "what if" and "rightness" 

of the situation.
Even when it's crazy!

Or I can fall prey to satan's taunts

and waste precious time and energy wondering.

It's up to me.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, 

because he trusts in You. 

~~ Isaiah 26:3