Twelve

The day has come.

And nearly gone.

I have gone through twelve years.

Sometimes, I just survived.

Mostly I have lived.

As he wanted.

It has not always been easy.

It still isn't sometimes.

The last few weeks stand as a good example of sometimes.

But it has been worth the work,

    surviving grief

        and learning to live again.

In our last coherent conversation,

he gave me instructions for "after".

It is best summed up in this statement,

"I don't want you to die of grief!"

He opened doors for me to be happy again.

That's the kind of man he was!

I've thought about what to say on this twelfth anniversary.

Did I want to talk about the challenges of this January?

Did I want to talk about the healing that has happened over the years?

Did I simply want to talk about him and what kind of man he was?

I still am not sure what I want to say.

So I will just say that years bring about change,

    whether or not one has lost a spouse,

        whether or not one has remarried.

In twelve years, change simply happens,

    for everyone!

This year is no exception.

I have thought often the last few days about how I announced

that he had finally gone home.

I gave it a lot of thought ahead of time.

The words still stick with me today.

"The battle is over, 

the war has been won, 

the angels are rejoicing over another victor come home, 

and Al is kneeling at the feet of Jesus."

Al is kneeling at the feet of Jesus.

That says it all!