The Promise

Eight years ago this evening,

I made a promise.

I had made that same promise

one faraway afternoon 40 years earlier.

I kept that promise.

And I will keep this one.

"With this ring, I thee wed...

...Until death do us part."

The first time I made The Promise,

I had no idea what I was promising!

None!

I had experienced loss before

and my mother's impending death

loomed large the afternoon of that first Promise,

so I thought I knew.

I didn't.

I loved, still love, my Al.

Our love grew and deepened over the years

to a thing of great beauty.

I ran across a note from a friend a while back, 

written about 20 years ago,

commenting on how well I loved my husband.

I was comforted by that note

because I AM a much better wife to my Lanny Love

than I was to my Al

and that brings me sadness - and joyful gratitude.

But though I loved him,

though I logically understood The Promise,

I did not.

I didn't understand its depth,

    its breadth,

        its height,

            its fullness.

I couldn't.

But that evening eight years ago,

I understood The Promise intimately.

And it is different to make The Promise with foreknowledge.

We had talked about it, my Lanny Love and I.

When it became apparent that 

our relationship was headed toward permanence,

he asked me to think about it.

I had, before I ever decided to begin the dating process,

but I promised to think and pray some more.

And I made The Promise a few months later.

Remarriage from widowhood is different.

The starry-eyed innocence of first marriage is missing.

The knowledge of The Promise changes expectations.

I went to bed last night with the knowledge that 

this morning may be very different.

And I woke this morning in celebration that it wasn't.

In 8 years, that hasn't changed, the morning celebration!

Honestly, when I first started dating,

I was simply desperate to make the pain go away.

I started too early.

The distraction provided by dating

did not ease the pain of loss.

After I got my little heart broken,

and broke the heart of another,

I stepped back and grieved,

because there's no way through it

except through it!

When I began dating the second time,

I did it with knowledge of the cost.

    I wasn't looking to stop the pain of losing my Al.

        I wasn't looking to relieve loneliness.

            I wasn't looking for companionship.

I was following God's leading.

That is the very best way to approach dating under any circumstance.

I was picky!

I mean, I was PICKY!!!

I had a list.

Yup, an actual, written list.

 

                                                Non-negotiables

                                                    Really, really important, but negotiable

                                                        It would be really nice

Before I ever went on a first date,

I checked off the non-negotiable list.

I didn't go on more first dates than I did.

There were a few second dates,

    only a couple third,

        no kisses.

Did I mention I was picky?

Then came the day.

 

"This man is slightly outside your set perimeters 

but we think you'd like him."

It was not the first time I had received that message.

And I always checked the profiles.

This one was different.

I checked it again.

And again.

Then I did what I did not do -

I made the first contact.

 

After the fourth "canned question" exchange,

he invited me to email.

I accepted.

Several weeks later, 

after many long email exchanges,

was the first date,

    followed by a second,

        and a third,

            then a first - a fourth and a kiss!

This paragon of manhood checked off every single item on my lists!

And many I hadn't even known I wanted!

Our first kiss,

    "I think I'm falling in love with you..."

        "I am in love with you!"

I was too!!!

In just a few short weeks,

we began to talk about "if we were to marry...".

In the fifth month of our relationship "if" became "when".

 

That God had His hand in our relationship is very evident.

We are both fascinated by the number of times our paths crossed

long before either of us thought we would ever be dating,

and repeatedly after our widowhoods.

We enjoy the mutual hesitation and eventual decision

to sign up for eHarmony at about the same time.

God intended to bring us together!

He is so wise!!!

 

So today, on the eighth anniversary of The Promise,

    I am filled with joyous gratitude.

        I am in love!

            I am happy!

                I am living the life God planned for me!

And one day, when it comes due,

if I am the one left,

through the tears and sorrow,

I will be glad I made The Promise!

 

Happy Anniversary, my Lanny Love!