What is this?

I have been quiet.
For some time I have been pondering
what I want from my blog.

Is it simply a way to process my life,

a public journal?

It is definitely that.

Is it a way to express myself creatively,
something I crave?
Yes.

Is it a forum for widows,

remarried or not,

and how life is different now than then,

a way to encourage,

help them know they are not alone

in what they feel and experience?

Uh-huh.

Is it a place to celebrate

my happiness,

bemoan my irritations?

To a degree.

Is it a place to brag on

my "practically-perfect-in-every-way"

husband, children, and grandchildren?

Any forum is appropriate for that!

Is it a potential way to

make some money?

Possibly. 

Is it a way of witnessing

to the faithfulness and grace

of a loving God, a merciful Saviour?

Absolutely.

What is it ultimately?

I think I want it to be all of those things.

But, you see,

in order to be any of those things

it - no, I -

must must take risk,

be completely open.

Vulnerable in a way that,

frankly,

makes me quite uncomfortable.

I must be willing to say in public

those unspeakable things

I think in private.

I must be willing to share

my emotions and feelings

regardless of what "they" will think,

those things which are unshareable.

Otherwise, this is just another social page.

And that I know

I do not want!

It is something I feel
spiritually compelled to do,
this risky, open, vulnerability.
So, here I go.

Vulnerable.

Open.

Risking.

Hang on for the ride!