Wednesday, August 1, 2018

This was the week...

Five years ago today,
my grandsons and I left for
a five-day adventure
in Red River, NM.
I had been widowed
for six months,
four days.
During that week,
I began to live again.

The journey ahead of me
was to be very, very long
and extremely strenuous.
There would be times
I would think I would not,
could not,
survive.

But I did.

I not only survived,
I began to thrive.

But I had to make choices.
Existence versus living.
Joy.
Letting the grief flow,
and letting it ebb.
Fighting the urge to quit.
Choices and consequences.
Either way you go.

Some of my choices were foolish,
painful,
costly.
But I would make them again
if it meant coming to today -
which, of course, it would.
Most of my choices were
adventurous!
Or at least it felt like that to me!

I chose to try something new
in the way of a career.
I chose to look at the possibility
of dating and remarriage.
I chose to pursue that.
I chose to do the things,
go the places,
I wanted to go -
even if it meant doing so by myself.
I chose new friends.
I chose to forgive the old ones
by whom I felt abandoned.
I chose to accept where God had placed me -
and to allow Him to move me forward.
I chose to feel the grief,
but feed the growth.

I miss him still.
Sometimes painfully so!
But life is good!
Joy-filled!
I am happy!
Content!
Five years ago today,
it began.
A new adventure.
Something I'd never done before.
I chose to allow God to teach me something new.
I chose to learn to live without him.

I'm glad I did!

 

I look up to the mountains -
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord, 
who made the heavens and the earth!

He will not let you stumble and fall;
the one who watches over you will not sleep.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never tires and never sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
The sun will not hurt you by day,
nor the moon at night.
The Lord keeps you from all evil
and preserves your life.
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.

~~ Psalm 121 NLT


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