Remembering

I have struggled with this post.
I have written and deleted.
Written some more.
Deleted some more.
Nothing seems right.

Today is five years.
Five.

Long.

Years.

1826 days.

Days of sorrow such as I have never known.

Days of the most drastic changes I've ever experienced.

Days that lasted for years ~

and flew by in the blink of an eye.

What does one say about a man who is gone ~

before he was ready to go ~

before we were ready to let him go?

Do I say he loved and served God every single day?

He did!

Do I say he loved me with all his heart?

He did!

Do I say he loved his little girls wholly and completely?

He did!

Do I say he loved his grandsons and granddaughter

and delighted in them?

He absolutely did!

Do I say he was the very finest kind of husband,

daddy,

papa,

son,

brother,

friend?

He was the very finest!

Do I say he was brilliant?

He was!

Do I say he was a hard worker?

The hardest!

Do I say he was passionate about all he believed?

 Extremely!

Do I tell you of his tenderness?

His generosity?

His sense of humor?

His wit?

His friendliness?

Do I tell you of his desire to and gift of preaching?

Teaching?

Do I tell you of his magnificent baritone?

Do I show you pictures of him playing in the floor with his little girls?

Do I share the stories of him playing catch with Kim 

and one resulting ER trip?

Do I tell you about the time he caught Chrys up on the run 

and flipped her over in the store?

Or her hand wrapped around his finger as a pre-teen

because his hands were too big to hold the whole thing.

Do I tell you about the middle of the night shopping trips 

for a specific brand of pacifier?

Do I tell you about the Saturday morning breakfasts, 

just he and Kim?

Do I tell you about the ways he romanced me, 

made me feel special and cherished?

Do I tell you about the 15 1/2 year old boy who asked me to go steady at 14,

the only boy I ever dated,

and the five years of our courtship?

Or do I tell you about the man he became 

who married me and cared for me every day for the next nearly 37 years?

Do I tell you of the man who worked through the hard times

and reveled in the good times?

Do I tell you about the man who sat me down just a couple weeks before his death

and gave me his instructions and expectations for my life after Al,

for living and loving and remarriage?

Do I tell you about him shooting BB guns and bows and arrows with his grandsons

and letting his granddaughter put bows in his hair?

Do I tell you about the man who loved and respected his sons-in-law?

Do I tell you about the son who served his parents?

The brother who loved his siblings?

Do I tell you about the man

who only wanted the very best for all those he loved

and to be needed and loved by them?

How can I sufficiently honor such a man on this anniversary of his death in this life

and birth into eternal life?

What can I say about him? 

Those of you who knew and loved him,

already know anything I could say.

For those who didn't,

no words I can say will give an accurate portrayal

of the kind of man who walked this earth

for 57 years, one month, 20 days and,
five years ago today,
left behind a gaping, open wound,

a hole in the hearts and lives of those who loved him best.

This then, is what I will say.

This man ~

~ this husband ~

~ daddy ~

~ papa ~

~ son ~

~ brother ~

~ friend ~

 ~ this man,

this great man,

is loved more than he knew,

missed more than he would have thought possible,

and thought of daily.

I cherish the years,

nearly 42 of them all told,

that we were a couple

and I am profoundly grateful

that he was mine.

Five years.

I remember............ 

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,

and there will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain, 

because all the old ways are gone.

                                                                      ~~ Revelation 21:4