Sunday, January 28, 2018


I have struggled with this post.
I have written and deleted.
Written some more.
Deleted some more.
Nothing seems right.

Today is five years.
1826 days.
Days of sorrow such as I have never known.
Days of the most drastic changes I've ever experienced.
Days that lasted for years ~
and flew by in the blink of an eye.

What does one say about a man who is gone ~
before he was ready to go ~
before we were ready to let him go?

Do I say he loved and served God every single day?
He did!
Do I say he loved me with all his heart?
He did!
Do I say he loved his little girls wholly and completely?
He did!
Do I say he loved his grandsons and granddaughter
and delighted in them?
He absolutely did!
Do I say he was the very finest kind of husband,
He was the very finest!
Do I say he was brilliant?
He was!
Do I say he was a hard worker?
The hardest!
Do I say he was passionate about all he believed?
Do I tell you of his tenderness?
His generosity?
His sense of humor?
His wit?
His friendliness?
Do I tell you of his desire to and gift of preaching?
Do I tell you of his magnificent baritone?
Do I show you pictures of him playing in the floor with his little girls?
Do I share the stories of him playing catch with Kim 
and one resulting ER trip?
Do I tell you about the time he caught Chrys up on the run 
and flipped her over in the store?
Or her hand wrapped around his finger as a pre-teen
because his hands were too big to hold the whole thing.
Do I tell you about the middle of the night shopping trips 
for a specific brand of pacifier?
Do I tell you about the Saturday morning breakfasts, 
just he and Kim?
Do I tell you about the ways he romanced me, 
made me feel special and cherished?
Do I tell you about the 15 1/2 year old boy who asked me to go steady at 14,
the only boy I ever dated,
and the five years of our courtship?
Or do I tell you about the man he became 
who married me and cared for me every day for the next nearly 37 years?
Do I tell you of the man who worked through the hard times
and reveled in the good times?
Do I tell you about the man who sat me down just a couple weeks before his death
and gave me his instructions and expectations for my life after Al,
for living and loving and remarriage?
Do I tell you about him shooting BB guns and bows and arrows with his grandsons
and letting his granddaughter put bows in his hair?
Do I tell you about the man who loved and respected his sons-in-law?
Do I tell you about the son who served his parents?
The brother who loved his siblings?
Do I tell you about the man
who only wanted the very best for all those he loved
and to be needed and loved by them?

How can I sufficiently honor such a man on this anniversary of his death in this life
and birth into eternal life?
What can I say about him? 

Those of you who knew and loved him,
already know anything I could say.
For those who didn't,
no words I can say will give an accurate portrayal
of the kind of man who walked this earth
for 57 years, one month, 20 days and,
five years ago today,
left behind a gaping, open wound,
a hole in the hearts and lives of those who loved him best.

This then, is what I will say.
This man ~
~ this husband ~
~ daddy ~
~ papa ~
~ son ~
~ brother ~
~ friend ~
 ~ this man,
this great man,
is loved more than he knew,
missed more than he would have thought possible,
and thought of daily.
I cherish the years,
nearly 42 of them all told,
that we were a couple
and I am profoundly grateful
that he was mine.

Five years.
I remember............ 

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,
and there will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain, 
because all the old ways are gone.
                                                                      ~~ Revelation 21:4

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