These women have all been important in forming the "me" of today,
but none more so than my mother.
My mom did a LOT of living in her short life.
A lot of it,
dare I say, most of it,
was harsh.
And yet, she persevered.
She overcame.
She accomplished.
She softened.
She grew.
The woman who died that day 44 years, 4 months, and 15 days ago,
was a very different woman than the one I grew up with
(a child-bride raising a child).
Don't get me wrong,
she was a good mom who loved all her children,
but like all of us, she had faults!
Like all of us moms (and dads), she made mistakes,
sometimes big, damaging ones(I believe her extreme level of stress
throughout most of her life
contributed to that),
but she did love us and was the very best mom she knew how to be.
She had a wicked flash temper and a cruel tongue when she lost it.
This is something we had in common,
something both of us worked on our entire lives.
That temper and tongue gentled as she aged and
gave herself over to Christ's ability to change her
where she could not change herself.
We have that in common too.
She was fun-ny!!!!!
She was not good at practical jokes,
she was GREAT!!!
I did not get that ability!
She was SMART!!!
Literally a genius!
With the added benefit of having fairly good common sense,
something most geniuses lack.
She was wise.
I remember once, in my early marriage to my Al,
we had had a fight (see "I got my temper from my mom...")
and I had stomped off to mommy.
She listened to me rant.
She listened to me rave.
Then she asked me what part I had played in the argument.
I was quite taken aback.
What in the world???
But she made me tell the other side of the story
then told me to go home,
apologize,
and work it out.
Best advice she ever gave me!
Another time, when I was a teenager,
I got caught skipping school.
I didn't know I had been caught,
and I didn't know the school had called her.
She asked me how school was that day,
I told her fine.
She let it play out and the next morning,
I had my one and only visit with the principal of my entire school career.
That one day off cost me 30 days of cafeteria duty.
She never said a word,
but we both knew.....
I never skipped school again!
She taught by example.
Sometimes she taught how I SHOULD behave and act,
what I SHOULD say and do,
and sometimes she taught me how I should NOT behave and act,
what I should NOT say and do.
Both ways had consequences I learned
and so I began early in life trying to choose
which kind of consequence I wanted,
to weigh the possible outcome against my want to or instinct.
I made a lot of mistakes as a mom, as a wife,
some of them serious,
but my mama taught me that mistakes,
while they cannot be undone,
words cannot be unuttered, unheard,
mistakes are a part of our learning and improving experience,
both personally,
and for those we love.
I am a better mom, better wife, better woman today
because mom taught me in words and deed
that I could,
I should,
I MUST
be on a constant path of self-improvement
and seeking God and His pleasure above my own!
My mom was extremely introverted,
another inheritance I received from her,
but she could stand up for herself and her children when necessary.
She taught me it was necessary most of the time
and not to let myself be squashed
and NEVER to let my children be squashed!
It took time and effort for her, and for me,
to learn the difference between doormat, shrew, and strength,
but we learned/are learning!!!
My mom's life was HARD!!!
I mean it was HARD!!!
From the get-go, it was hard!
But she overcame and taught her children that they too
could overcome...anything,
including our childhood!!!
My precious mama considered herself a failure.
She only saw her imperfections.
Despite overcoming a childhood that had significant challanges;
despite surviving an abusive marriage;
despite getting four children to adulthood;
despite working full-time while going to school full-time to become a nurse
while raising four children and attempting to survive her marriage;
despite battling cancer,
including nearly nine years of chemotherapy, surgeries, and radiation
all while working full-time, raising four children, and in an impossible marriage,
despite all that, she considered herself a failure.
She was not!!!
In spite of the failures,
the successes, the love,
far outweighed any of the perceived or real failures!
My mama's most ringing success though
was not in her survival or her gentling or her parenting successes,
it was in this one thing:
My mom loved Jesus and strove hard to be like Him!!!
When we couldn't see the striving or the progress,
she still strove.
She made sure we were in church every Sunday,
even when work and illness prevented her attendance,
she got us there!
She modeled to us what our church did not -
despite our imperfections,
despite our failures, both shallow and deep,
God sees our hearts and the intentions within them!
She showed us God's mercy and grace as He bestowed it on her!
I walk with Jesus today because,
despite it all,
my mama walked with Jesus back then!
Even in the dark and dirty times,
she ran after Him with all she had!
And He never failed to welcome her into His loving, forgiving arms!
I miss my mama today!
Forty-four years later, the days that I don't think of her
and wish I could give her a call or run by her house are rare.
Despite her imperfections,
she was a good and loving mama.
I look to the day when we will meet again,
whole, healed of all our imperfections, and in the presence of Jesus
who saved us both!!!
My mom would not consider herself a Proverbs 31 woman.
And on the surface, one would agree,
but, upon deeper inspection, she surely was!!!
A Wife of Noble Character
10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
~~ Proverbs 31:10-31 NLT ~~
